Why I am still awake?

I HAVE NO IDEA. It's 4:33am and I woke up at 8am and 11am today.

I was pretty sure I'd sleep at 3am or before today because I had close to no sleep last night. Whenever my boyfriend is round I never get any sleep because he's so fat he takes up 3/4 of my single bed </3. Naw, I'm kidding. I can just never sleep soundly when I'm not alone haha. It's just the way things work for me.

So my spacebar arrived today, woop de woop, which means right now I am typing with a brand new macbook spacebar. I'm keeping my macbook away from my bed now because things have a tendency to fall from the shelves/cupboards above my bed =/

I'm so clumsy these days. I managed to smash my brother's graduation photo today in the living room when I was listening for messages on the answer phone. The frame literally smashed into 1000 pieces with wood bits everywhere, I think I just stood there for like 5 minutes before actually deciding what to do. Surprisingly, the glass didn't smash.

I've had a lazy day today, well actually not really lazy because I cleaned the whole bathroom which took me 3 hours. But no work was done, I only managed to write 2 sentences for the strengths and limitations part of my discussion before calling it a night hah.

Okay I really will sleep now. I have no idea why I have this stupid tendency to force myself to stay awake all the time. It's so bad. So so bad.

What do you do when you run out of green tea?

Since my parents' absence I haven't managed to locate any green tea for 2 main reasons - I rarely ever go out to Chinatown these days (they probably sell green tea for extortionate prices anyway) and I can't be bothered to drive out to Wing Yip/Loon Fung to buy some.

I finally run out when my parents are back in 5 days which I mega annoying. I've substituted green tea for oolong tea right now which is... okay but not really my preferred choice.

If you regularly visit my blog you'll find that this is where my "inconsistent blogging" comes into play. I haven't blogged for a good 2 weeks now mainly because of essays and the project write up. Which is partly true, another reason is because of my "social life" haha. I put that in quotation marks because sometimes I do have a social life, sometimes I don't.

Right now, I'm pretty chilled about work because I'm ahead for the project, I estimate that my discussion should be completed by tomorrow, if not Sunday latest. I should really be doing work on my dissertation but since I haven't received my first draft back from my supervisor, I'm most likely using that as an excuse for stalling such an important piece of work. As you can probably tell, the past 2 weeks of non-blogging have been focused on submitting essays and getting this darn project completed, or close to completion anyway.

I had a pretty crap day today overall, I managed to wake up at 3pm for some dumb reason. I even slept at 3am the night before which is actually really early for my standards, I've been having nocturnal 5am bedtimes for the past 6 weeks my parents have been away for. So as a result, I missed my lecture (which isn't that big of a deal as I planned to skip this one anyway because of it's boring-ness). To make things worse, I managed to drop my TV remote on my MacBook - mini heart attack when that happened because I know the aluminium unibody dents SO easily... Looked closer and saw no damage done, phew. Then when I got to typing, one close inspection at my spacebar and I noticed I've cracked it. Darn it. I wasn't that fussed over it though because I know keys can be replaced, the unibody cannot be replaced. So I went to buy a spacebar off eBay and hopefully it'll arrive tomorrow or Saturday so I can replace this cracked thing. Sigh.

The only good thing that has happened to me is getting my result for my Neuropsychology essay. I somehow managed to get 68 which is very surprising considering I didn't understand the question at all, I got into a new relationship at that time (=no motivation), I had my project first draft due on the same day and another essay due the week after. So me getting anything above a 50 is very surprising. Life works in mysterious ways. I'm overjoyed but at the same time, dreading next week's results because I know for sure the language essay was just as badly written as the Neuropsychology one. I can't have 2 strokes of luck in the same month can I?

To end my crap day I found out some bad news which has made me sad for the rest of the night. I don't want to talk about it here though, it's not major but still, it's killed my vibe.

Let's talk about something happier.

I'm going to Barcelona in 3 weeks. A really spontaneous planned trip, I'm going with my boyfriend, Jen and her boyfriend. My boyfriend booked a week off work so getting to spend a few days together is nice since I rarely even see him these days because he's a workaholic.

So yup, something I'm looking forward to soon. I just want March to end already.

slkdfjslkdnvdls.

I'm happy at the moment because a miracle happened and because of a moment's worth of concentration, I've managed to almost finish my last ever essay. Not only that but my special man is coming to see me on Thursday. I didn't expect to see him again until Sunday because of his hectic job hours =/ so it was a surprise and I became stupidly happy =] he's forever surprising me with his spontaneity. 

So actually, I'm mainly happy because my workload is going down, after this last essay is submitted on Thursday, I'll have my dissertation draft which is only 1600 words and then my final project to finish which is about 2000 more words and then I'm doneeeee. Until exams. GOODBYE ROYAL HOLLOWAY. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... I"m going to have such an awesome summer. Going HK, graduation, coming up with a research proposal for masters (not that it'll be fun but at least it's something to do, ONE thing to do, rather than 1000 things I don't want to do...), spending lots of time with my man, lazing around in the sun. Ah, can I just graduate already? 

The only depressing thing about right now is that my work is going very slowly and painfully, it's always the last essay that takes the most time because I'm at my limit with the amount of work I've had recently. As well as juggling a new relationship, making sure I do enough work before I go out has been especially hard, although I've just about managed it. I think this is the first essay I've been cutting it close on. I remember I used have plenty of time during the week to tweak my essay and reference but tomorrow will be a full day of finishing the essay, proofreading, tweaking and referencing *cries* but at least I'll have Thursday to look forward to where I can just chillax with my man without having to think about when the next essay deadline is. 

During this week I haven't spoken to Mum or Dad much. I found out the other day that Mum got a fever in HK and I was worried for a bit. Dad texted me at 5am about it when I was about to head to bed so I was kind of like "=____=" and couldn't sleep because I kept wondering if Mum was okay. Today, Mum called me when I was having lunch and she said she's fine now which is good... But Dad is ill with a fever now. Good lord... What are my parents like? I swear at least one of them becomes ill at some point when they go abroad. My Mum was saying how the weather in HK is hot in the afternoon and cold at night so they're not used to the sharp temperature changes. Sigh. They fly off to Taiwan in a couple of days, I hope they'll be okay. I can't believe there's only 2 and a half weeks until they come back. I miss them but at the same time, when they come back, life will be a little more chaotic! 

CURRENT GOAL = FINISH THIS STUPID ESSAY. 

3rd week of parentlessness.

Blah. I miss my parents. 

I think this might be an effect of listening to slow music and attempting to do this essay.

But I actually miss my parents, they were away for 3 weeks last time and I didn't miss them this much. There's another 3 weeks to go until they come back and I actually really want to see them. Even though my Mum annoys the heck out of me, even though my Dad never stops asking questions, even though I can hear their conversations from outside the house because they talk so loud... I miss them. 

For some reason I'm feeling really sad at the moment because I miss them. This essay is driving me insane as well because even though it's the last ever one I have to do, I don't feel motivated to do it, I don't know what the heck phonological awareness is I don't know what the link to reading skills is, I don't know where to begin, I don't want to do any reading, I don't want to search for literature... I've been searching for literature and writing about it for the past week solid and I'm kinda just sick of it now. Plus I have that dissertation draft to do and hand in sometime within the next couple of weeks. Derp. 

Life.

Deadlines doing my head in amongst other things.

So as it stands I have so much work due in I just don't even know which piece to work on everyday. As you might know, I like to have things planned out - this applies to aspects in life as well as my workload. I'm almost like okay Monday I'll do this, Tuesday I'll do that etc etc. But now it's like a whole giant mess with WHERE DO I BEGIN? I've been lazy these past couple of days, went out celebrating on Saturday for CNY, didn't get home until Sunday morning because of getting lost and wandering around London for 3 hours. Spent Sunday being cosy, warm and a lazy shit in bed with another lazy shit next to me <3. I must say though, I really enjoyed my CNY for multiple reasons.

I failed at pretending I didn't go out as well. I promised Mum I'd Skype her on the Sunday at 1pm but my brother ended up Skyping her first as I took almost an eternity to get ready and then I realised I just had to leave my make up on and go on Skype. First thing Mum asks is "so where did you go last night?" DOH. Spent the rest of Sunday sleeping and then preparing CNY dinner with my brother when I woke up at 7pm LOL. Oh deary.

Spent Monday in uni trying to get the analysis part of my project done. Turns out our results are NON-SIGNIFICANT ASLKDJFJSDKFNSDF. I guess this is probably every psychologist's worst nightmare huh? Non-sig = less chance of publication = WASTE OF TIME. I might be wrong because I'm not a psychologist, just a psychology student but... man, all that time coding videos... NON-SIGNIFICANT???? But anyway, you just have to work with what you have I guess. So in trying to make sense of these results, took another 2-3 hours. I had to stop by Tesco on the way home and do the weekly grocery shop. Most of the stuff on the list wasn't even for me, my brother had added a whole ton of ingredients to cook ONE THING for dinner. He's lucky we didn't exceed our budget. I got home and literally fell asleep again, I think Saturday night was catching up to me so I took a 2 hour nap and then well... you know, once you have a nap and wake up to a warm cosy house, the first thing you'd want to do is eat and last thing you wanna do is work. Hence no work was done on Monday (apart from opening and closing the document about 5 times...)

So now it's Tuesday, I was up at 9am despite sleeping at 5am because I got too emotional for my own good and almost ended up saying things I shouldn't say to a certain someone. I SHOULD NEVER SHOW MY WEAKNESS, RAWR. I fell in and out of sleep until 2pm and then I finally got up and started to do some work. About 2 hours into doing work and I've managed to do a miserable 400 words. I really should stop looking at the word count because working according to your word count makes life 100000000x harder and progress is much slower. Go away word count.

I haven't been able to work recently because of too many complicated thoughts in my head. Why do you do this to me?

Life Update.

I know this is like, a week late but, my parents are gone.

I miss them.

Mum gave me an especially long hug at the airport when I drove them there, I couldn't walk in with them because I was in drop off (so I didn't have to pay for the short stay car park). I'm not really one to be close to my Mum with hugs and all that so it felt weird. I guess you could call me weird for feeling weird hugging my Mum but yeah, my parents aren't really the affectionate type, well, Mum isn't anyway. My Dad would shower me with kisses if he could but it's damn embarrassing at my age. We got to Skype for the first couple of days they were there, I love how my parents do really miss us but they don't show it. It's a cultural thing, Chinese people aren't really the emotional type of people. Deep down I know they miss us though. A few days later in the weekend when my brother was home, we Skyped and they looked so happy to see us, my Dad looked fatter which obviously I pointed out, he looked really happy though. They both did. I'm glad they're both enjoying their time out there, there's no one more deserving to have time to relax than my wonderful parents. If I had the money to, I would send them everywhere around the world because that's how much they deserve it.

So in other news, I got rejected from City University. I was a tiny bit gutted but I wasn't depressed about it (even when they felt the need to send me TWO rejection emails, one at 10am and one at 5pm, like what the hell? One not enough?) It just means that my plans will change a little now, plan B was to do an MRes at UCL in Speech, Language and Cognition as you might have heard me go on about before. I went to their website and had a look at the procedure and I need to submit a research proposal by the deadline (August) so I think I'll spend the summer going over what I want to research into. There's actually multiple areas of speech that interest me, on the developmental side, I'm really interested in evidence based therapy - this is also a reason why I would want to reconsider becoming a speech and language therapist - there's so much research around the effectiveness of therapy and interventions and you know, a lot of the time, they don't even work. I don't know if I could get into a career administering therapy that doesn't work or doesn't have scientific evidence to support its effectiveness - it just all seems like a giant con doesn't it? It's all very controversial. It's the same as saying medicine works but does it really work? Are your painkillers actually doing something to your body or is it just psychological effects? Blah.

I'm also getting interested in the neuroscience behind speech and language from my module this term. If you know me, I hate anything neuro/biologically based because I'm a big fail at biology and in neuroscience there are just too many components to study. Though for language, it's interesting to see which parts of the brain are responsible for certain functions related to language. But yeah, I'll have to teach myself a lot about the brain before I could come up with a research proposal for this. But at the moment a research proposal regarding evidence based therapy seems really nice and interesting to do.

So yup, at the moment, my plan is to finish all pieces of coursework, get my arse sat down for revision over Easter and get my dissertation written up within a month. Graduate, go to HK to see my relatives, spend my summer free as a bird and then come up with a research proposal before August.

Life isn't so bad after all.

Sob.

My parents are leaving me in a week. For 6 weeks.

Does anyone want to move in with me and become my housewife for 6 weeks?

I'm not incapable of cooking or washing up it's just that usually when I'm busy with work, eating is the last thing on my mind. I realised that I just want to finish my work and relax rather than pausing to eat a decent meal and then continuing with work. When I'm full up, I'm lazier than ever. Maybe I should use food as an incentive to finish my work more often, but then again, it'll most likely be around midnight before I get a decent meal down me. It took me 5 hours just now to read and make notes on 3 neuropsychological papers. Anything neuro/biological is a major weakpoint for me yet I chose to take a mostly biological psychology course at university - uh duhhh clever me.

So my parents are jetting off to Hong Kong to spend Chinese New Year with my relatives over there and they're not coming back for a long while. Which means I'll have to fend for myself in the cold, dark, empty, lonely household - only kidding. In some ways, they won't be missed, I get to do whatever I want when I want without Mum constantly nagging me. Can you believe that she still tells us when to shower?

I'll miss Mum's cooking so much though, she wrote me some recipes of my favourite dishes so I can make them but I know it'll turn out a complete failure. I'm scared of oil, guys, you should see the mess I make when I make fried chicken wings at home... Mum's always worried about leaving me and my brother even though we're both in our 20s - she still treats us like we're kids sometimes. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing, it's a bad thing when she fusses over us, it's a good thing when she spoils us with snacks. I'll miss my Dad going out of his way for me all the time, whenever I'm feeling lazy to walk home from the tube station I just give my Dad a call and he'll be there in 5 minutes to pick me up. I'll be glad he won't be sitting at home playing online Mahjong all the time though.

In a way, I want them out of the house because the longer they're here, the more my Mum obsesses over little things such as re-painting little scrapes on the wall/door frame (yes she does this), cleaning everything she can see (she does this too). I'm beginning to suspect that Mum might have a little bit of OCD when it comes to cleanliness and tidiness. I mean, people like to be clean and tidy but my Mum's idea of clean and tidy is literally on a whole other level.

The refurbishments to the house has been finished now, the giant skip that has been living on our driveway for the past 2 months has gone - bye bye 21 years worth of crap. Some of the stuff in that skip is actually older than me - my Mum kept going on about how much garbage we've collected over the years. I think a lifelong goal for me is not to hoard anything - if you don't plan to use it anymore, throw it away! I kept that mentality when I was sifting through my belongings, I had to throw out so many clothes and shoes and objects - even ones that have some significance to me just because I don't have room for it and I'm not planning to use it again so it goes in the bin. When I think about it now, I threw out a pair of boots I wore like 3 times... oops. I need to be more choosy in what I buy from now on. There were certain things that I thought - why the heck did I buy this? Wow, what a waste of money.

I do love my new bedroom now though...