3 drafts later...

I actually intended on blogging 2 days ago but then mid-writing I felt like, what's the point in it? What am I even blogging about? Why am I just repeating the same jargon I wrote last time?

So I'll blog tonight since I'm in a blogging mood.

I'm feeling a little less stressed as I've actually got a plan together for my project. This is why I could never ever go into research because I don't feel independent enough or creative enough to come up with research questions and follow through with the research. It's heavily stressful because unlike 3rd year, I'm totally on my own, my own research, my own topic, my own everything. Just me and a supervisor really. It's totally different from when I basically had my research question handed to me on a plate and worked with 2 others on the same project, just the write up was independent. This is what it feels like to be completely not spoon fed as they call it. I've had so much trouble as I failed my proposal, it wasn't viable as a research question and I'm scared this one will fall through too, but I've tried my best to make it as robust as possible so we'll see. At least I have a supportive supervisor I guess. Time is running out as my resubmission deadline is 7th July. So as you can see, I've been very stressed over the past 2 weeks, trying to stop myself from endless procrastination, failing to fix my overly screwed up sleeping pattern (and failing to do so, it's now 3am and I'm still wide awake), having to live life with this dodgy eye...

On the subject of the dodgy eye, I'm finally getting seen by a GP next Monday about it. I find it odd that I'm being seen by a GP and not a specialist at a hospital though. Maybe this GP is a specialist... idk how these things work.

My skin has been breaking out like mad ever since I ran out of patches. I've been too lazy to get some more but I'll remember to next Monday since I'm going to the GP anyway. I've just been treating my skin a little better by drinking tons of water, did a clay mask yesterday when my skin felt bad and just going to keep my routine with masks and stuff until aunt flo comes. Sigh, the patch is so unsightly but I don't really have another option except the pill but I went a bit delusional and shit last time I was on the pill (you can read my entry on Microgynon 30 if you scroll back a bit). Felt myself going insane through that month.

Cannot wait to get started on this project and then holiday to Corfu in August. Really need a week away from London this year as I realised I may be employed after August and then that would mean no more holidays, lazing around and stuff. Reality is going to slap me in the face hard when I start looking for a job and hopefully working and earning a steady income.

I'm not mentally ready for this.

Overtime = Overkill

Did overtime at work this week for 2 days, let's just say I'm never doing that again. Day 1 - finished 15 minutes later than usual, day 2 - finished 30 minutes later than usual. This place struggles when it isn't even busy. Day 1 I had to help ground floor because they're always bloody slow. Day 2 I actually ran away from helping anyone until I was caught and forced to menswear to help out LOL. The manager there who used to be my evil team leader that made my life hell when I started, saw me come down to help and gave the biggest smile (fake smile) and told me to help with folding. I was like oh okay easy folding, at least it beats helping ground floor clear dumps. He made my life hell again by being super picky with the folding, I mean some of these menswear clothes are HUGE XL size and I was trying my best with the folding board and all because the buttons weren't centred he made me re-fold them. Can't really complain though because folding is probably the easiest thing I've helped out with when we've been forced to stay behind. Because I did overtime, this week feels shorter than usual for me, back to work in another 2 days. Sob.

I've quit league for a while because of my eye, too much gaming is obviously going to affect my eyes. I'm being referred to a hospital as it still hasn't gotten much better despite having spent around £40-£50 on eye drops that did nothing to my eye. I read online that the eye is supposed to be able to heal minor injuries overnight, but I guess this problem I have isn't as superficial as first suggested by the optician. Sigh, I just want to know what's wrong with it so I can see properly again, it's getting really annoying working and going out with 1 dodgy eye, I can't even look at people properly because one eye is blurred LOL I just hope people don't see that I'm having trouble seeing. Awks.

Been addicted to Brave Frontier, it's a phone game but so addictive. I guess that's been my replacement for league at the moment. Not really missing league as I was starting to get bored of it but I just play when my boyfriend plays now, skills are going to get rusty. I WILL BE BACK.

Changed my bedding just now. I thought I'd be cool and rep the H&M Home department by buying a duvet cover but turns out this duvet cover is a little too big for my single sized duvet o__O I've learnt that duvets are not universally sized after all. I wonder how many people that buy duvet covers from H&M take them home and find that it doesn't even fit their duvet - mind you, not many people bring them back for a refunds so... maybe it's just me that has a weird sized duvet. This duvet cover is so weird as well, it has 2 gaping holes at the top of the duvet for what? I have no idea. Swedish people have weird designs (I'm assuming Swedish people designed it as H&M is a Swedish company after all). Guess I'm just going to deal with it, it's not too big length wise so it's okay as long as I don't wake up with the filling halfway down the cover. Don't ever buy polyester duvet covers guys - 100% cotton all the way.

Watched the new X-Men movie today with the boyf, we didn't really see what the hype was about. Having watched First Class yesterday before coming out to watch Days of the Future Past today, I actually thought the former was better by a mile. Maybe the hype was around Jennifer Lawrence as Mistique as she had a much bigger role in the plot but the plot itself was better in First Class.

Anyway, this was just a short entry to compensate for my lack of/inconsistency in blogging recently, been enjoying too much freedom that there wasn't even much to blog about besides my laziness. Now I'm off to continue my last days of freedom by watching Catfish.

Post-exam rambles.

A bit late but yay exams are over. I'm not entirely free though, so I'm not 100% thrilled that exams are over because back in the day, the day of the last exam = total and indefinite freedom from education for the next few months. For me this year, it's more like, freedom to catch up with sleep before I start my long ass project.

I've given myself a generous 2 weeks of doing absolutely nothing, told myself not to even take any overtime at work and just spend it sleeping till whatever-o'clock and not feeling bad about sleeping too much, going out too much or even eating too much. But now those 2 weeks are coming to an end, it's 31st May meaning it's the last day of freedom before my mind needs to be set to work mode again. Accepted overtime at work next week to hype myself into that motivational mood to work mentally and physically. I plan to start this damn project straight off so I don't lag behind and I get the full 3 months to do it in. Creating new objectives and a research question to re-do my failed research proposal is first on my list - going to be a long and stressful process but you gotta start somewhere right?

Haven't blogged in well over a week because nothing interesting was going on in my life besides sleeping, seeing the boyf, eating snacks, playing league and catching up on missed TV. Was a really nice lazy 2 weeks apart from my mum moaning about me living my life like a slob. So be prepared for a lot of project ranting to come. Also work ranting too as I plan to do overtime over the summer to earn some more moolah.

Update

Been a long time since I last posted, mainly because of exams and other shit I've been experiencing along the way.

At the moment, I am one exam down and one to go, very close to absolute freedom of never having to sit another exam again. Feels surreal. First exam went very well (I hope), had to choose 3 out of 6 questions and actually, I predicted 4/6 of them which was amazing. Was so worth sitting down looking at past exam papers and seeing what will and will not come up. The last question threw me off, I actually had a choice between 3 by the end because I knew the topics, it was just the question of did I have enough content to write to cover a whole essay? Now when I think back to things, I really should've done the question on typologies as my last question but instead chose change agent because there was more to critique/compare/contrast. Maybe I just didn't feel like doing typologies because well, I think they're kinda dumb. Hopefully I've achieved enough to pass at least, that was the worst module ever in the duration of my masters degree.

Onto more serious matters, I've been having serious issues with my vision in the left eye. At first I kinda brushed it off as being superficial because those were the words my optician used, but then as you probably know because I've ranted about this before - I got sent to A&E because of it. Problem still hasn't cleared despite it having been a month already. So I went back the other day for a check up and seems like although things have been getting better, the progress is slow and my optician wasn't really happy with the drops the doctor prescribed me (she described them as weak drops that are given to children and babies... wonderful), so she sent me to buy these hella expensive drops (£14 for a tiny 10ml bottle) because they're apparently stronger. And so at the moment, I'm using those. Things don't feel like they're improving massively, like, sometimes I get pain the in eye because of dryness and at times I don't. Right now my eye feels alright but who knows, it might get worse later on. I guess I'm just trying to be optimistic about it even though I'm mega pissed off about the opticians wasting my money on weak drops, sending me to A&E when it really wasn't necessary and me ending up with over-the-counter drops that need no prescription therefore rendering my trip and day at the A&E worthless. I really don't want the see that optician that sent me to A&E again because she really doesn't have a clue at her job it seems.

The weather has been looking lovely for the week, it's a shame I have work tomorrow but at least I'm off on the Sunday when the sun comes out and it's 22 degrees. I have to revise though since my last exam is on Monday. LAST EVER EXAM GUYS. So excited. Not as excited to be graduating though since I graduate in October... Still got that project to get started on too... Sigh.

It's that time of the year again.

When I have to buckle down for a few weeks to revise for final exams. Can't believe that when I think about it, these 2 exams will be the last exams EVER for the rest of my life. Rejoice.

Had the opportunity to experience a Thai massage today with the boyf. He's been having backpain at work so he chose to do a deep tissue massage whereas I chose the traditional Thai massage. Don't know what that meant as when I went in the room and the woman came in and then she said she'd give me a "Chinese" massage LOL. What's so Thai about a Chinese massage?? Was relaxing nonetheless but my back muscles are feeling so sore at the moment, the same feeling you get when you exercise and the next day you really feel it down to every last muscle. Apparently my spine is bent because I keep sitting on one ass cheek - how does one even sit on one ass cheek I have no idea. She massaged my bum as well which was weird haha, anyway, the point is that she really pummelled my back into shape and now it hurts to stretch. First Thai massage experience - check. Dunno if I would want to go back though as it was pretty pricey for 30 minutes.

I have actually developed an addiction for Dairy Milk Giant Buttons. Bought them when they were £1 each bag at Tesco and they're STILL £1 per bag so I picked another one up today. Will be so good for revision. I tend to snack a lot when I revise but I don't seem to gain weight as I probably do the unhealthy substitution of snacks for decent meals. Sigh. I weighed myself this morning despite my recent over-snacking on crisps, chocolate and ice cream and I still weigh the same as before - by before I mean my normal 54kg, my lowest has been 52kg but I really didn't like that. I could see my damn ribcage. Yay for snacking and no weight gain I guess??? My boyfriend was disappointed to see I hadn't really gained weight - he was really expecting me to be fattened up since I kept telling him everytime I was snacking on chocolate and ice cream. I hate it when he teases me :( he's so mean.

My eye has been healing veeeery slowly. I actually have a HUGE rant to make right now about what happened on Tuesday. This optician I had decided that the healing process was too slow so she sent me all the way to Western Eye Hospital in Marylebone during the tube strike (took me 2 hours to get there by bus) to see a doctor. I should've known but there was a 2 hour wait to see a NURSE and then after I saw the nurse there was a 3 hour wait to see the doctor. Facepalm. I guess you can imagine how long I was in A&E for - 6 hours, yes, 6 hours I sat in that bloody waiting room whilst people were getting seen before me because that place sees people according to severity rather than what time you arrived. Never again. I came back to rant to my parents about how retarded that whole day was and I was even sitting there thinking why was I here? The optician I saw first said that it would take about a month to heal - this different retarded optician I had the next day decided that there wasn't enough improvement in the space of 3 days so she sends me to A&E and wasted 6 hours of my life. She even called me the next day to ask about it and then I ask her when do I come back for a check up and you know what she says? "Go back to the hospital for a check up" in my head I was like "is this woman MAD?" so I told her there was no way I was going back there as I had to wait 4 hours to be seen by a doctor. She tried to get me to go back to them for a check up on Friday (today) but I just straight up said to her look, there probably won't be any improvement until a week later so why are you asking me to see you 3 days later AGAIN? So she can send me to the hospital because the healing is slow??? I swear, this woman really has no idea what she's doing. Managed to persuade her to see me a week later so I have an appointment booked for next Tuesday instead. Crazy woman. I understand she wants me to be alert about this problem and she wants to "closely monitor" it but does she even know how crazy long the wait times are at A&E? Does she even know how far away the damn hospital is? Oh and you know what she suggested to me when I told her the tube strike was on on Tuesday? "Take a taxi" my god, she really thinks I'm Jesus that can perform miracles and create money to take a taxi into central London out of thin air. Or she thinks I'm filthy rich - but then again, if I was, I wouldn't be living in Hounslow. I wouldn't be having her as my optician either.

Rant ended. Basically, there's no way she's making me go back to that hospital unless my eye is actually going blind or falling out or she offers to pay for my damn taxi. There's another tube strike next Tuesday as well so good luck to her if she thinks she can send me to Western Eye Hospital again.

As you can see, I've had an eventful week. I actually came back home that day around midnight and REVISED. Yes, I had revision planned for that whole day but because she sent me on some pointless trip that was the most non-urgent emergency ever, I had to revise till about 4am before I could sleep.

Ok, now my rant has ended. Have a wonderful weekend guys!

Wassup wassup.

When I say to myself - "no more chocolate" I mean no more chocolate. It's been too often that I've eaten chocolate especially at this time of night. It's like, I see something interesting on TV to watch *whips out the chocolate*, I put on a movie *whips out the chocolate* This must stop. So today, I'm determined to not cave into my desires and instead, have moved my chocolate stash downstairs into the fridge. Far away, basically.

Started another K-drama out of desperation because I'm running out of things to watch. I've actually grown into this habit where I need to watch something to enjoy my meal/food/snack LOL. Started Emergency Couple and it's alright, not too sure if I like the whole hospital melodrama though. After watching the first couple of episodes I came to the conclusion that this ER unit must be the most unluckiest unit with the most unluckiest interns in the whole history of hospitals. A crazy man wanting to kill himself because he got dumped by his girlfriend grabs a gun and almost shoots everyone in the unit, these 2 interns get trapped in a lift with a cancer patient who starts vomiting blood - I mean, do any of these events even happen at hospitals? The likelihood of a crazed gunman and a lift breaking down just when this cancer patient is in need of help is almost higher than in real life in this drama. But let's keep in mind, this is a drama after all. Oh and can I mention, the main female actress in this is gorgeous. I won't start ripping it apart like Rooftop Prince... yet. Actually, I've made my mum start watching Rooftop Prince - there was nothing else I could recommend her was there? I mean, even my boyfriend's mum got hooked on Rooftop Prince so it must be good. She's taken a liking to Lee Min Ho after watching City Hunter LOL saying he's so tall, leng jai and handsome but I couldn't exactly recommend her to watch Heirs could I? It's not targeted for her age group... even I would feel a bit wrong if I saw my mum watching school romance k-dramas. Can you imagine my mum swooning over Lee Min Ho in a uniform? No, let's not go there. 

Went to the opticians yesterday because I finally felt like I needed to see an optometrist about my dodgy left eye. I really feel like I'm directionally challenged or dyslexic because I kept telling the optometrist that my "right" eye is blurry, my "right" eye is bloodshot, my "right" eye is sensitive to light - but when she had and look using those bright light tools optometrists use she started mentioning my left eye has problems. Then in my head and using what I usually use to determine left and right, I had actually meant my left eye all along... Sigh. Embarrassinggggggg. Anyway, she sent me home and to buy 2 brands of eyedrops to use to help my eye heal. Went hunting for them just before pharmacies closed and managed to get both, phew. Had to come back the next day as well for a full eye examination. 

So I went back today and saw a different optometrist - I had the bitch woman from last time yesterday and a really nice woman this time. There was a guy that did my eye health check up who started talking to me about my degree and stuff and it was really awkward for me because I had my glasses off and I couldn't even see his face, it was like one big blur so I was sitting there talking to this blurry faced man. Can't even remember his face at this moment... Or did I even see his face at all with glasses on? Anyway long story short, the optometrist said I had something called "staining" in my left eye which was the cause of the blurryness, sensitivity and everything that has been bugging me about my eye. She showed me some pictures and said mine was the most extreme, there are like, so many scratches on the surface of my eye which is why I have trouble seeing. It was scary when she said mine was the most severe =/ but at the end she said it was superficial and should heal in a few weeks which was a relief. I don't even know how this happened but I don't ever remember injuring my eye in anyway to get it so scratched up. Apparently all I need to do is to use the eyedrops "religiously" as the optometrist from yesterday said and the eye should heal! Sounds like an easy peasy job to me. 

My dad has been really worried bless him, I'm not even worried but it's because I'm always getting referred to eye clinics and stuff whenever I get an eye exam every year so he gets worried whenever something happens to my eye. It's a main reason I don't like telling him details but because he gave me a lift and waited for me and paid for parking, I thought he should know - something to talk about in the car on the way home. Really don't like him being worried though, it's nothing major anyway. But now I have to go back for another appointment on Tuesday and Thursday next week which is slightly annoying as I planned to crack down on revision for the whole week and not go out. So I'm working Sunday, revision class on Monday, opticians on Tuesday, nothing on Wednesday and opticians again on Thursday - annnnd suddenly my supposed week of revision has turned a whole lot busier than it should be. Apparently they just want to "monitor things" and make sure that my eye is on its way to healing. Better to be safe than sorry I guess. 

Also about these eyedrops so far, the 5x a day one doesn't feel like it's doing much right now but that's because this is probably my first whole day of using it 5x a day. The 2nd eyedrop is so gross, it's some thick oil like thing that you have to squeeze into your eye pouch and blink like 100 times till your vision goes clear. Because it's not viscous liquid, it causes blurring that lasts for around 10 minutes. Some weird eye lube. Made my eye feel all clammy and gross this morning even though it's supposed to protect it and prevent it from feeling dry in the morning. 

Had a very eventful 2 days, even bought myself chocolate yesterday to cheer myself up - it's not fun being blind in one eye x___o hopefully it improves quickly so I can get back to seeing properly with glasses on. I've been banned from contacts for a week so that sucks. Gonna have to go to work with glasses on this Sunday for the first time ever! I really pray it's going to be a quiet Sunday as I really can't be pushing my glasses up my non-existant nosebridge for the whole day if it's busy and I'm sweating and my glasses are falling down my face.   

Lazy but somewhat productive day.

After being out for the weekend, I had a nice day in today, slept in an hour later than my alarm before finally getting my lazy ass out of bed. Was planning to make some spaghetti for lunch but after yesterday's creamy pasta, I wasn't feeling for spaghetti anymore so I settled for some instant ramen. 

The productive part was me getting my notes together for MCC as I will be starting revision for my final set of exams (hopefully) ever! Will be so glad to finally be done with education - mainly coursework and exams. Had a really long chat with my friend on the phone soon after I did my "work" and then pretty much had dinner and lazed around for the rest of the night. 

Been having this weird problem with my right eye as well. I'm pretty sure it's just been overstrained and eyes usually take a while to heal as you use them everyday so they don't really get much chance to rest them apart from sleeping. My right eye has been mega blurry throughout the day and feels dry. When I use eye drops and rest them for a while they tend to be a tiny bit better but then it goes back to being blurry quite quickly soon after. Was thinking about heading to the opticians to make sure nothing serious is wrong with my eye but it did start to get better so I think I'll just wait it out for a few weeks, it's not in pain or anything, just weirdly blurry sometimes. People online tend to say these symptoms are associated with dry eyes/overstrained eyes anyway. 

Meeting some friends tomorrow for lunch as I haven't seen them in a while, hoping for some good food with good company and maybe some good weather too!