From an outside perspective, being a child of a Chinese family might usually mean a stricter than your average upbringing, education being introduced to us as soon as we are able to speak, learning faster than your classmates because you do extra work at home - whilst your classmates are learning long division, you already know short and long as well as your 9 times tables. It's a tough life being a Chinese kid, the expectations and burdens placed on you are different to those of your Western peers. You're rarely allowed playdates with your friends at an early age, instead you're focusing on education and learning another instrument whilst kids of the same age are playing with dolls.
Thankfully my upbringing was not as rigid. Although I rarely did have playdates with kids of the same age, in fact playing with kids down my road of the same age was rarely allowed by my parents and was often frowned upon, I still had a pretty decent childhood. My mum bought me toys that I wanted, if there was something I liked, my mum would buy it for me. My mum wasn't the conventional traditional Chinese "tiger mom" who enforced strict rules. Though she did place extreme emphasis on the importance of education, my childhood did become something like, reciting times tables, learning short and long division before all the other kids, learning to subtract and multiply when kids were just getting into the grips of adding. I recall being made to do extra mathematics under my mum's guidance through the evening until 9pm, then it was bedtime. There was no "TV time" or "playing time", I remember always feeling sleepy when it came to the time to do mathematics. I think from then on I harboured a rather strong hatred towards mathematics in general. I became good at it, not brilliant but I hated it nonetheless.
Leaving mathematics aside, nothing was really forced onto me. Comparing to Amy Chua's book 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" in some areas, I could really emphasise with her children, the way they rebelled against her when they didn't want to do those 4 hours of practice on the piano/violin. I was never forced to play an extra instrument, rather, it was something I wanted to do. Maybe something like a hobby or a past time. I'm glad I chose to in the end because learning how to do something new is always a valuable gift in life. You might not have to be the best at it but just learning how to read notes, how to play in a certain style, learning about different pieces is something that will stay with you for life. I compare learning to play an instrument to riding a bicycle because you can never forget it. My mum still goes on today about how my fingers will "rust" if I don't play often enough but I know that I'll never forget how to play, not the piano anyway. I've grown to love my piano, as a child I might have hated it, maybe I regretted taking lessons, doing examinations but in the end, I've learnt a new skill in life. That's not something that you can say you've wasted time or money on.
Compared to many other Chinese families, being brought up in a different country is something quite extraordinary as well. I wouldn't say my parents are strict at all, although there were some rules that I had to follow such as coming home at appropriate times, telling my parents where I'm going and who with - but these things are protocol right? From an early age, I was always allowed to hang around with friends, allowed to spend my money on whatever I want. There were never any rules about who I see or who I make friends with, although sometimes my mum did express her concern with my friends and their influence on me. But overall, as long as my education was my priority, my parents didn't care what I did in the most part - it was something that I liked, the restricted freedom of doing what I like as long as I met their expectations in some way. I feel like my parents adapted to a Western way of parenting in some parts, I mean, it would be quite difficult growing up in a Western country with Western values when your parents are traditional right?
But enough about me...
My parents are 2 people I respect the most.
As I gain maturity with every year, I come to realise the astronomical amount that my parents sacrifice and give to me and my brother. It's almost emotional the amount that they give to support me especially. My first year of university was the time where I had to start standing on my own two feet. Like many students around the country, I was given this massive lump sum of money known as student finance - rather than just a lump sum of money, it was a loan. It was something that many students fail to acknowledge the importance of and just see it as money to spend on drinks and socialising. Like many students, I also fell into this trap and when my mum realised I had spent so much in such a short time and managed to save £0, I was in for the biggest lecturing ever. Ever since then I've been money smart, didn't dip into my OD even once this year, managed to save up a lot etc. My mum's words made me realise that I won't always have the bank of mum and dad to rely on.
As well as their words, my parents are still my pillars of support financially. I am so grateful for everything I receive from them even though I may take it for granted sometimes. My driving lessons were all paid for by my parents, they forked out around £2000 in total for my lessons and exams. Whenever I failed, they paid again and again until I passed. Money was never anything I had to worry about, even up to this day. When I passed, a year later, I got my first car with insurance paid on, all from my parents. It was the greatest gift they had ever given me because it allowed me to get to places easier, allowed me to luxury of driving to uni rather than having to take public transport and allowed me to keep my driving skills fresh. Earlier this year, they bought me my first iPhone, even though I had saved up more than enough to buy one with my savings, they still didn't want me to repay them with it. They wanted me to save my money for the future, for my future. Then earlier this week I learned that they were going to buy me my first ever Macbook for my 21st birthday. I feel like anymore than this will make me explode with gratitude. Everything they have done for me in my upbringing, their words of wisdom, financially... I could never repay even if I lived 1000 lives.
We are not a rich family, my parents own a small Chinese takeaway business and have worked their hardest for the past 14 years. In my eyes, there is no one more hard working than my parents, they work through hot summers and cold winters 6 days a week to provide me and my brother with a comfortable lifestyle. It's something that breaks my heart in a way because I feel so helpless - I'm still a full time student, still learning, not yet going into the working world, I feel like there's nothing I can repay them with but my gratitude for now. I aspire to work even harder next year and then the year after next and then the year after that. I want to be highly qualified enough to get a high paying job then I can start paying my parents back for these past 20 years where they have shown me nothing but love even though at times I was difficult, I was undeserving of many things that they give me today but I know it's never too late to show your parents how grateful you are to be a child of theirs.
No comments:
Post a Comment