Things are... better.

Still not completely fine yet, but on the way to being fine.

I learnt many things yesterday.

• Some things are worth fighting for even though it might seem like they're not at the time.
• Awkward silences are the hardest thing to overcome.
• Sometimes being vulnerable and open about your feelings is the best option.
• Having faith in someone who has hurt you is a big step forward, but is also the first step to recovery.
• Believing in someone who has broken your trust before is a brave thing to do.
• Crying in public is not as embarrassing as it seems when you're wrapped up in your emotions.
• Sunshine can improve your mood for a while.
• Being lied to is hard to get over.
• Silence is hard to break when nobody knows where to begin.
• Staring at the sun is bad for your eyes even if you're wearing sunglasses.
• Sunglasses are the best for when your eyes are red and puffy from crying or when you don't want people to know that you're crying.
• Sometimes wandering around alone is best for when you want to reorganise your thoughts.
• Calling rather than waiting is better when you're unsure. 
• Pinching yourself to stop yourself crying is not a good thing to do.
• Being hugged by the person you thought that stopped caring is the most comforting feeling ever. 

Sometimes when you overthink situations you tend to get carried away by your train of thought and it's not always the best. Although I had my presumptions about yesterday, I was mostly right about the things I presumed about but in the end, any problem can be overcome in a relationship if both are willing to. Being overcome by emotion is easy - anyone can flip out in anger or break down in sadness but having the courage to talk about things and reveal emotions, feelings and thoughts is the way to take things forward. There's nothing wrong with honesty, as long as you're honest with other people, you can be honest with yourself. 

Compromises can be the best solution, an agreement to conditions by both. As long as these promises are kept to, things can move forward back to the way they were. If not then things fall apart again. But in order for compromises to work, you have to have faith, trust and belief in each other... 

Although I don't feel strong enough to have complete faith and trust because I'm scared of being hurt again, I want to try for once and believe that I can have faith... Maybe if I show that I do have faith and belief, things will start to change. If I never have faith, things will never move forward and I won't be happy again. So, really, both of us must change in order for things to get better. 

Putting your feelings on the line can be like a double-edged sword.

When you tell someone exactly how you feel about them, you become vulnerable and exposed. But if you don't, how will they ever know?

I thought what I had was happiness, but happiness can always change within a matter of days, weeks, months. Things that happen are out of your control, decisions that other people make that affect you and your life. You feel like everything you said had been thrown back in your face and everything is a lie. You find that you think about the same thing everyday, you experience the same sadness everyday wondering where all your happiness had gone. I feel exactly like this now.

I rarely ever come out about my feelings and sad things in a blog, I'd rather keep my entries happy so I can look back and read and laugh about things a few years down the line. But right now, maybe talking about things like this will help put my heart at ease a bit more. When you tend to like someone so much that it hurts but you find that you can't do anything about the hurt because your hurt means their happiness. When the person you care about doesn't try, when the person you care about doesn't make the effort to make you happy, when the person you care about doesn't consider your feelings - these things cut deep. It hurts a lot when the person that is supposed to make you feel like the happiest person on Earth ends up making you feel like the lowest priority in their life - all because of one thing, one choice that they made in life.

Life used to be so perfect until recently when one person managed to upset me for days, I really started to think that I meant a lot to that person - after months of not believing, I started to believe. But after this week, I'm second thinking everything. I think the hardest thing to accept is that I'm never important to this person, I'm the last thing they think about when they wake up, the last thing they think about when they go to bed. How things have changed so much is their fault, I just can't find blame in myself because everything happened because of his choices. I don't see how I fit into their day anymore, I might still be theirs in name but do they treat me like they should?

So what do I do from here? I only have 2 choices - make them choose or leave. I'm that close.