Sob.

My parents are leaving me in a week. For 6 weeks.

Does anyone want to move in with me and become my housewife for 6 weeks?

I'm not incapable of cooking or washing up it's just that usually when I'm busy with work, eating is the last thing on my mind. I realised that I just want to finish my work and relax rather than pausing to eat a decent meal and then continuing with work. When I'm full up, I'm lazier than ever. Maybe I should use food as an incentive to finish my work more often, but then again, it'll most likely be around midnight before I get a decent meal down me. It took me 5 hours just now to read and make notes on 3 neuropsychological papers. Anything neuro/biological is a major weakpoint for me yet I chose to take a mostly biological psychology course at university - uh duhhh clever me.

So my parents are jetting off to Hong Kong to spend Chinese New Year with my relatives over there and they're not coming back for a long while. Which means I'll have to fend for myself in the cold, dark, empty, lonely household - only kidding. In some ways, they won't be missed, I get to do whatever I want when I want without Mum constantly nagging me. Can you believe that she still tells us when to shower?

I'll miss Mum's cooking so much though, she wrote me some recipes of my favourite dishes so I can make them but I know it'll turn out a complete failure. I'm scared of oil, guys, you should see the mess I make when I make fried chicken wings at home... Mum's always worried about leaving me and my brother even though we're both in our 20s - she still treats us like we're kids sometimes. I guess that's a good thing and a bad thing, it's a bad thing when she fusses over us, it's a good thing when she spoils us with snacks. I'll miss my Dad going out of his way for me all the time, whenever I'm feeling lazy to walk home from the tube station I just give my Dad a call and he'll be there in 5 minutes to pick me up. I'll be glad he won't be sitting at home playing online Mahjong all the time though.

In a way, I want them out of the house because the longer they're here, the more my Mum obsesses over little things such as re-painting little scrapes on the wall/door frame (yes she does this), cleaning everything she can see (she does this too). I'm beginning to suspect that Mum might have a little bit of OCD when it comes to cleanliness and tidiness. I mean, people like to be clean and tidy but my Mum's idea of clean and tidy is literally on a whole other level.

The refurbishments to the house has been finished now, the giant skip that has been living on our driveway for the past 2 months has gone - bye bye 21 years worth of crap. Some of the stuff in that skip is actually older than me - my Mum kept going on about how much garbage we've collected over the years. I think a lifelong goal for me is not to hoard anything - if you don't plan to use it anymore, throw it away! I kept that mentality when I was sifting through my belongings, I had to throw out so many clothes and shoes and objects - even ones that have some significance to me just because I don't have room for it and I'm not planning to use it again so it goes in the bin. When I think about it now, I threw out a pair of boots I wore like 3 times... oops. I need to be more choosy in what I buy from now on. There were certain things that I thought - why the heck did I buy this? Wow, what a waste of money.

I do love my new bedroom now though...

I'm back.

Yeah, I've noticed I haven't spouted any rubbish about my life recently. To be completely honest, the last 2 weeks of my life have been hell.

Where do I even begin? I went from thinking everything is okay to everything being completely not okay. I was doing so much unnecessary things for myself, trying to make some time for myself especially at the start of term time (believe it or not, I had more free time at the beginning of this term to sit around and relax than I did throughout the whole of xmas break). I came to the realisation that there are some things in life that are better off not having. It's hard for me to describe without saying exactly what it is (I have some reasons for doing so). What defines happiness is subjective to each individual, some need to be constantly surrounded by friends, some need someone to love and to be loved, some need to always be close to their family, some always need a day in a week to go out and have fun. I thought long and hard what defines happiness to me? What do I need to cope with stress? I mean, stress is inevitable, you're always going to have that one persistent thing on your mind that won't go away for a while and when it does, another thing will come along and annoy you. Maybe my stress response is just poor, actually, I deal with stress by locking myself up in my room and doing what I want to do LOL.

But actually, for me, the simple things are most important. I don't need someone to love and love me back, I don't need to see my friends every week, I don't need to go out clubbing at least once a week. For me, I prefer to be close to people in a different way, as for my friends, we don't need to speak to each other everyday to stay close. As long as they're okay and doing well, that's all I need to know. As for nights out, I prefer going out when the event is right for it, when there is a reason for celebration - I mean that could be almost once every 3 months or something but for me that's more fun than going every week. Family is one thing I require in my life though, I mean, they annoy the hell out of me almost everyday. It took 4 of us to build my new bed, 3 of us to set up a mirror in my room, I hate the way my mum is such a perfectionist and OCD with her cleaning, I hate the way my parents get into pointless petty arguments almost everyday, I hate the way they shout at each other when they talk (Asian style huh?), I hate the way my parents' opinions differ, I hate the way my mum constantly nags at my dad, I hate the way my mum takes her anger out on all of us... There's so many things wrong with my family but at the end of the day, my family wouldn't be my family if they weren't like that. I'm slowly getting used to my mum being overly anal on cleanliness, her attention to detail is so annoying sometimes but at least she gets things right.

I guess I just missed when life used to be so much more simple, going to school, coming home, doing my homework, watching TV, going to bed. Now it's more like, wake up at ridiculous-o'clock, procrastinate till I forget about what I needed to do, doing my work late into the night, refusing to sleep even though I've been complaining about being tired all day, waking up when I finally pass out from tiredness, feeling 10x more tired because I've slept late... You get what I mean.

So what has been happening? My room is finally complete, I'll take some pictures when I get a free day to do so. I'm actually in love with my new room, it's so cosy and comfortable now, I can't believe it's actually complete and I'm happy with it. When I saw it completed it felt like one of those moments in those programmes where people's houses get a secret makeover and they come back and they're all like omg haha. Other than that everything else has been a giant blob of depressive darkness enveloping my life.

I have about 2 weeks to finish coding, I've got about 4 videos left to code so I'm aiming to do 2 a week. I have to finish my introduction to my final year project, start writing my dissertation before reading week, complete 2 essays within reading week as well as complete my lecture notes every week.

I'm considering dropping out of my placement. I know it seems stupid because it's valuable experience that I waited so long to get into but I feel like I just don't have time for it. I have so much going on in my life that my placement is the last thing I want to go to. I've loved going there and meeting and talking to all the interesting people but at the moment my Fridays are dominated by workload upon workload that I'm just not coping right.

So yeah, as you can see, the reason for me not blogging as often as I did before xmas is because I've been snowed under by work. I didn't want to fill this blog with depressive stuff so I've said everything I needed to here.

/End of depressive ranting.

Hopefully everyone that follows this blog is doing well. I wish I could be 5 years old and be out in the snow building snowmen and making snow angels too...

Couldn't have said it any better.

Someone just described this next term as the "term of doom" I can't have said it any better myself.

But pleaseeeee don't say that. I'm getting scared of this term, this term is the term that will decide you for who you are, this term will have the biggest impact on your future after graduation, this term will either make you or break you.

PLEASE NO. I DON'T WANT TO.

Sorry, recently, my posts have been slightly borderline illiterate. Random escapisms of my inner hyperactiveness coupled by the stress of not having a normal Christmas due to not having a bedroom for the past month as well as living out of binbags does things to you. But I am sane, my room is almost complete, cabinets are built, just needs painting, my bed is here, just needs setting up and I'll finally have a room again. I could shed tears of joy right now.

Essay is almost there, just needs a conclusion and a whole day to reference god knows how many references I've included. The fact that this is my first 3000 word essay, I'd say that I've done pretty well, I could've melted down due to pressure but I haven't. Videos are all coded, papers have been collected ready for me to write my dissertation. Next term will be havoc. I apologise in advance to those who might want to see me or hang out, but time is precious for me this term and apart from birthdays of those dear to me, I'm sorry but I'll be going back into hermit mode until I graduate.

I'M SORRY OKAY.

Just because I say I can't see you, doesn't mean that we're not friends anymore.

I love all of my friends.

900 words.

UNTIL I CAN SUBMIT THIS ESSAY.

I'm literally living a life of hell thinking I still have an essay to submit.

New years resolutions.

LET'S DO THIS.

I never make new years resolutions but I was thinking, I'm growing up pretty quickly now and it's about time I think about some of the things that need prioritising in life.

P.S. This is just mindless brain fart from me today, I haven't actually sat down to think about new years resolutions, this idea just spontaneously came to me right now because I need to carry on with my essay and I'm trying to run away.

• Work over play
• Let's face it, I don't have much time to play anymore, being in 3rd year and all even if I want to work hard play hard, it's not really that possible.
• Spend less, save more
• I've been trying to do this actually but I realised I may have spent a little too much on boxing day sales. But then again (here's me trying to justify my actions... again), I didn't spend anything all term until Christmas. 
• Eat healthily
• I've been trying to do this too. Nowadays, I make every effort to avoid things like KFC, McDonalds, instant noodles, processed food, alcohol. I mean, obviously if they're things you like, you shouldn't cut them out of your life completely because you'll be tormented by inner demons telling you that you want it and then you'll eventually have it anyway but feel super guilty afterwards. Moderation is the key here. But whilst in moderation, I do want to eventually cut those things out of my life completely (okay, maybe alcohol isn't possible to cut out completely, I don't see myself being a tee-total person around a bunch of people drinking).
• Be more responsible
• In 2012, I found out a lot about myself. Especially how naive I was about life and the world around me. No matter how much I want things to go well for me in the future, I've learnt that there are times where I have to take responsibility in finding out how to get to where you want to be rather than depend on others. I guess I've learnt to become less dependent on other people and maybe even more independent than I already was.
• Be more positive
• I'm usually really negative, about myself, about life etc. I guess I could say that towards the end of 2012 I started to become more positive, even with the amount of work I had to do, the amount of deadlines and endless stress, I still got through everyday, meeting deadlines, keeping on top of what needs to be done. I'm always thinking I can never do it, I'll always feel like giving up but at the end of the day, I haven't given up, I'm still here, I haven't dropped out of university and that's what counts the most right? 

So yeah, there's 5 things I want to do in 2013. Anything else can come as a bonus.

Happy New Years!

So another year has gone by, time goes by so quickly these days. It didn't feel like 2012 was around for very long and now it's 2013.

I had a good time celebrating new years eve with some friends yesterday night. That's to say that too many drinks were had, too much mess was around but I got to meet some really nice people.

I don't do new years resolutions only because I can never seem to stick to them or they become forgotten over time. I guess what I definitely will be doing this year is working hard towards my future though. Another 6 months of hard work to go and then I can truly enjoy the summer going back to Hong Kong in June, graduating from Royal Holloway in July (I really can't believe I'm saying this), going to America in the late summer and just finally relaxing knowing that another chapter of my life has finished and I'll be starting another in September. I feel like 2013 will be an exciting year for me even though it'll be stressful and full of hard work. But at the same time, I feel quite positive about this year.

I really wish I had finished all my work before new years now because like many others, I'm spending new years day completing my essay which is due in next week.

One thing I really miss is having a Christmas break from school that really was a break without having homework to do or anything. Though, that was probably way back in primary school where that was possible haha.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful new year before TFL raises their prices for travel tomorrow!