Making someone smile can really make a difference.

The ability to make someone smile when they're down is a great gift.

I realised that today.

Even with the things I'm going through everyday, the negative things that build up over time, losing friends, losing lovers, dilemmas that affect the future, for a second, I forgot about all those things when I realised I had made someone else happy even though I wasn't happy myself.

I've never been the best at making people smile or even knowing what to say when someone is down, but I realised that you don't necessarily need to know what's going on in a person's life to make them happy.

I had always thought that I'd need to know the situation in order to give advice and console someone but making someone smile can be as simple as just saying something funny and out of character to them. It can just be one line, one sentence or maybe even one word in some cases to put a smile back on someone's face. Making others smile is a great thing to do, it's even better than offering advice or words of consolation. A smile can say a lot.

I'm just glad that the person I made smile today told me that I had cheered them up in the most simplest way possible. The most important thing was that I barely even know the guy.

You don't need to know someone well to have the ability to make them smile after a hard day.

I don't understand the mentality of some men.

Hypothetically speaking, if you were a guy who was with a girl for a long long long time (by this I mean 5+ years in a relationship) you would feel blessed to have found someone that could be your potential soulmate right? Why is it that some men feel like they can get away with doing sneaky things behind their girlfriends' backs? At the same time, these guys are making bullshit excuses such as missing out an experience they never had because they had only been with one girl their entire life. Or that they need to cheat in order to realise their love for their other person. What kind of bullshit is this? I get so angry just thinking about it.

Yes, I do know someone who is in this situation. He's a douchebag and I found out something else today that makes me think he's an even bigger douchebag than before. This guy I know is hitting on his girlfriends' best friends. That's so wrong isn't it? Just from that simple sentence I think anyone reading this would think this guy is a douchebag and needs to be dumped. To make it worse, he's been caught out before, his girlfriend caught him talking to a bunch (not just one, several) of girls, flirting with them etc. She showed me these sick messages that he had been sending them and I immediately saw a different person. This guy who I thought loved his girlfriend more than anything became some asshole that deserves to be grouped in the "cheating assholes" category of guys. Eventually he begged and pleaded her to let him have another chance. This was his other chance and he's blown it. Although from what I know he hasn't physically cheated on her but he has intentions to and that's already sowing the seeds for cheating.

You know what they say, once a cheater always a cheater.

The problem is, should I tell the girlfriend? He started off flirting with me and then I tried to persuade him to stop trying to cheat on his girlfriend, said so many times that he's so lucky to be given another chance after what he did. I tried and tried, I wanted them to be okay again but today I find out from another one of my friends that he's been saying stuff to her too. Inside, I was like wtf? Then it hit me, if he's saying the same stuff to her that he's been saying to me it must mean that he's doing it again, to other girls. Fuck. What do I do? I feel like telling the girlfriend now, she shouldn't have given him another chance.

Everything about it is so screwed up. I don't know what to do. I'm like unwillingly involved in their mess and I don't want to be. I started off as someone that could help them rebuild their relationship but I can't now. He's saying all these wrong things to me and my friend and possibly other girls out there. My first thoughts are what a scumbag! He makes me so angry I don't know what to do. How can someone get away with this?

The truth will be out soon. The truth will set you free.

A child of a Chinese family.

Being a child of a Chinese family has never made me appreciate the efforts of my parents more than anything else in this world.

From an outside perspective, being a child of a Chinese family might usually mean a stricter than your average upbringing, education being introduced to us as soon as we are able to speak, learning faster than your classmates because you do extra work at home - whilst your classmates are learning long division, you already know short and long as well as your 9 times tables. It's a tough life being a Chinese kid, the expectations and burdens placed on you are different to those of your Western peers. You're rarely allowed playdates with your friends at an early age, instead you're focusing on education and learning another instrument whilst kids of the same age are playing with dolls. 

Thankfully my upbringing was not as rigid. Although I rarely did have playdates with kids of the same age, in fact playing with kids down my road of the same age was rarely allowed by my parents and was often frowned upon, I still had a pretty decent childhood. My mum bought me toys that I wanted, if there was something I liked, my mum would buy it for me. My mum wasn't the conventional traditional Chinese "tiger mom" who enforced strict rules. Though she did place extreme emphasis on the importance of education, my childhood did become something like, reciting times tables, learning short and long division before all the other kids, learning to subtract and multiply when kids were just getting into the grips of adding. I recall being made to do extra mathematics under my mum's guidance through the evening until 9pm, then it was bedtime. There was no "TV time" or "playing time", I remember always feeling sleepy when it came to the time to do mathematics. I think from then on I harboured a rather strong hatred towards mathematics in general. I became good at it, not brilliant but I hated it nonetheless. 

Leaving mathematics aside, nothing was really forced onto me. Comparing to Amy Chua's book 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"  in some areas, I could really emphasise with her children, the way they rebelled against her when they didn't want to do those 4 hours of practice on the piano/violin. I was never forced to play an extra instrument, rather, it was something I wanted to do. Maybe something like a hobby or a past time. I'm glad I chose to in the end because learning how to do something new is always a valuable gift in life. You might not have to be the best at it but just learning how to read notes, how to play in a certain style, learning about different pieces is something that will stay with you for life. I compare learning to play an instrument to riding a bicycle because you can never forget it. My mum still goes on today about how my fingers will "rust" if I don't play often enough but I know that I'll never forget how to play, not the piano anyway. I've grown to love my piano, as a child I might have hated it, maybe I regretted taking lessons, doing examinations but in the end, I've learnt a new skill in life. That's not something that you can say you've wasted time or money on. 

Compared to many other Chinese families, being brought up in a different country is something quite extraordinary as well.  I wouldn't say my parents are strict at all, although there were some rules that I had to follow such as coming home at appropriate times, telling my parents where I'm going and who with - but these things are protocol right? From an early age, I was always allowed to hang around with friends, allowed to spend my money on whatever I want. There were never any rules about who I see or who I make friends with, although sometimes my mum did express her concern with my friends and their influence on me. But overall, as long as my education was my priority, my parents didn't care what I did in the most part - it was something that I liked, the restricted freedom of doing what I like as long as I met their expectations in some way. I feel like my parents adapted to a Western way of parenting in some parts, I mean, it would be quite difficult growing up in a Western country with Western values when your parents are traditional right? 

But enough about me...

My parents are 2 people I respect the most. 

As I gain maturity with every year, I come to realise the astronomical amount that my parents sacrifice and give to me and my brother. It's almost emotional the amount that they give to support me especially. My first year of university was the time where I had to start standing on my own two feet. Like many students around the country, I was given this massive lump sum of money known as student finance - rather than just a lump sum of money, it was a loan. It was something that many students fail to acknowledge the importance of and just see it as money to spend on drinks and socialising. Like many students, I also fell into this trap and when my mum realised I had spent so much in such a short time and managed to save £0, I was in for the biggest lecturing ever. Ever since then I've been money smart, didn't dip into my OD even once this year, managed to save up a lot etc. My mum's words made me realise that I won't always have the bank of mum and dad to rely on. 

As well as their words, my parents are still my pillars of support financially. I am so grateful for everything I receive from them even though I may take it for granted sometimes. My driving lessons were all paid for by my parents, they forked out around £2000 in total for my lessons and exams. Whenever I failed, they paid again and again until I passed. Money was never anything I had to worry about, even up to this day. When I passed, a year later, I got my first car with insurance paid on, all from my parents. It was the greatest gift they had ever given me because it allowed me to get to places easier, allowed me to luxury of driving to uni rather than having to take public transport and allowed me to keep my driving skills fresh. Earlier this year, they bought me my first iPhone, even though I had saved up more than enough to buy one with my savings, they still didn't want me to repay them with it. They wanted me to save my money for the future, for my future. Then earlier this week I learned that they were going to buy me my first ever Macbook for my 21st birthday. I feel like anymore than this will make me explode with gratitude. Everything they have done for me in my upbringing, their words of wisdom, financially... I could never repay even if I lived 1000 lives.

We are not a rich family, my parents own a small Chinese takeaway business and have worked their hardest for the past 14 years. In my eyes, there is no one more hard working than my parents, they work through hot summers and cold winters 6 days a week to provide me and my brother with a comfortable lifestyle. It's something that breaks my heart in a way because I feel so helpless - I'm still a full time student, still learning, not yet going into the working world, I feel like there's nothing I can repay them with but my gratitude for now. I aspire to work even harder next year and then the year after next and then the year after that. I want to be highly qualified enough to get a high paying job then I can start paying my parents back for these past 20 years where they have shown me nothing but love even though at times I was difficult, I was undeserving of many things that they give me today but I know it's never too late to show your parents how grateful you are to be a child of theirs.

Women and men can't be "just friends"?

Yeah, I'm sure you've all heard this before. But is it really true? Let me tell you a little story...

You get to know a guy, with 100% intention of becoming friends. You're someone that likes to meet new people and make new friends. So you start talking then become friends as you start to know more about each other. To him, it seems like a potential relationship could be in line. To you, it seems like you've made a new friend who you may be able to confide in whenever. Now this is the conflict here. The guy seems to try and advance this "potential relationship" and you're just here fighting off his advances because, dude, "I'm just not that into you". The time comes when the guy musters enough courage to confess his feelings and you're like "wat?" feeling a bit awkward because you don't feel the same but also flattered at the same time. So now the time comes for you to reject this poor soul who probably has spent sleepless nights thinking about you and how to tell you his feelings. Then as you do, the guy doesn't like your response and then goes all cold shoulder on you the next time you talk, sounding all bitter and spiteful towards life itself (in reality, we all know that he's actually spiteful towards YOU for rejecting him). So then you're taken aback by his harsh words and his sudden change of attitude. What do you do? Try to cheer him up as a friend would do but also risk giving him wrong signals at the same time? Or do you try and forget about him completely and that your friendship never existed because even you wouldn't treat a friend like that?

The statement that a woman and a man cannot ever be "just friends" is complete nonsense to me because every relationship begins off as a simple friendship. If someone is skipping that friendship stage then they're clearly out for only one thing. Don't know about you but there are a few special males in my life who I consider family (but of course, not my family). I guess the only difference being we pretty much grew up together, watched each other grow throughout the school years. If there has been no mutual attraction there then there's no reason that there would be in the present day. So there's some proof that males and females can be just friends and nothing more.

Nothing is more irksome than a guy using the excuse "a man and woman cannot be just friends" to stay away from you. Clearly the male ego is bruised from this rejection and thus any excuse that sounds legit will be okay as long as it gives him a reason for him to stay away from you. I'm sure there are men out there that can actually handle rejection well and settle for being friends in the meantime. But there are also men that will stop engaging in everyday conversation with you if you tell him how it is. What is this? I don't even... It makes me angry because don't waste my time trying to be friends with you when all you do is end up removing me from your life once I tell you I just want to be friends. Sorry if I damaged your man pride but you can't automatically ask any girl to be your girlfriend so quickly.

Bottom line to this rant is that some men need to learn that men and women can be just friends.        

As if killing a god would be that easy.

Recently I've been in a movie mood so I've been taking a pick of random movies to watch as well as recommendations by some people I know.

I picked up another Ghibli movie the other day called Spirited Away. I haven't seen a Ghibli movie since My Neighbour Totoro so I didn't know what to expect (mind you, I watched MNT for the cute factor, Totoro is adorable). Ehh, Spirited Away was... weird, it had a random combination of elements that you would quite expect to see when one is "spirited away". Nonetheless, it was enjoyable in a strange sort of way. The one I just finished about 15 minutes ago is called Princess Mononoke. Now, this one I was quite reluctant to watch because it's hella old - I was 6 when this was released. But as this is known as a "classic" Ghibli production, I thought hey, why not. Now, this movie did take me 2 days to complete, only because I valued sleep over sticking through the whole 2 hours. The beginning wasn't so interesting in my opinion, I got sidetracked a bit and had to rewind at times to rewatch the parts I had missed but it's one of the movies that you want to finish even though it starts off boring. It's one of those movies that tends to get better halfway. But as you can probably tell from the title of this post, it's about killing a god, derp. Looks like killing a god ain't so easy. Absolutely loved the characters though, the music was brilliant too. I have finally found a piano piece worth learning.

It's been killing me for the past week actually, this lack of inspiration to learn a piece. I've been spending hours on YouTube looking for something to learn, something that I have an instant attachment to and desire to play but nevertheless, that plan ultimately failed. I even got as far as printing out a piece but never getting to play it. But finally, I've found something worth learning! You see, ever since I stopped lessons I've become one of those freelance piano players - by this I mean, I pick and choose what I want to play. I got bored of lessons and exams because the pieces I learnt just weren't interesting to me. It was the same thing every grade - classic piece, baroque piece then jazz piece. Jazz was my strong point as my teacher used to say, she even suggested I could become a good jazz pianist haha. Thinking back, I really did enjoy jazz pieces though, the rhythm they make is very therapeutic. I hated classical pieces, they were a nightmare to learn. But yeah, one of the reasons other than being overloaded with A Level stress why I quit piano lessons and exams was because I wanted to choose what I wanted to learn and play.

I've been hit with another case of cold sore. Sudden episodes of stress and all that have brought about my worst enemy. Why do cold sores have to grow on lips anyway? My bottom lip has swollen to about 1.5x the size (not quite at that double mark yet but I know it'll get there by tomorrow morning - *le sigh*). I guess the magnitude of stress coming from having to deal with a breakup, guy friends liking you more than just friends, losing some friends, being creeped out by general people and that constant planning for the future has wrecked havoc on my pH balance. Oh and my mum decided to make me an orange to eat today as well, *sigh* I can kiss goodbye to chances of this cold sore healing fast now. Citric acid is a no no when a cold sore erupts.

I dyed my hair today. Back to a dark colour. Although I think it has turned out the way I want it to, I'll need a couple more washes before I see the final result. This hair dye never fails me especially when I have patchy hair, but the downside is it takes a few washes until the true colour comes out. Right now, there are some patches of inconsistency but after a few washes, it should even out. The dark places should become lighter to match the other patches of lightness. Yeah. Goodbye to light hair, you have served me well this summer. Another reason why I dyed my hair was for the whole idea of new beginnings, a new me. I had a week to get over my breakup but I think I'll be doing fine now so it's time for a reinvention of the new me. I'll have to sleep with ammonium smelling hair tonight. Eck.

I've also got a few mosquito bites here and there too. I'm notorious for itching, it doesn't help that I have grown my nails out too (they will be cut when I start learning my new piano piece... shortly). But seriously, mosquito bites are annoying. I'm not surprised mosquitoes have emerged either, it has been raining at a 26 degrees C heat. Humidity is a mosquito's best friend. Soon the climate in this country will resemble that of the Far East. Oh, thunderstorm is expected tomorrow too, with rain and sun of course. No surprises there.

Intro

Not much of an avid blogger as I tend to abandon many blogging platforms along the way. I tend to be a private person, if ever in need of venting out emotions or whatnot that all goes into a giant private blog. But I thought I'd give Blogger a try to sort of... interact with the online community a bit more. On top of Blogger, I also blog publicly on Livejournal, I met many friends on there whom I share a common ground with. I also have Tumblr, you could say Tumblr is more of a thoughts-through-images blog.

Anyway, I'm a 20-something (well, soon to be for the something part) full time student living off noodles and green tea. I study the art of mind reading as well as having a mixed bag of interests in other things such as the concept of religious beliefs, computing, piano, badminton, speech difficulties, Japanese crime literature, Korean dramas and gory movies. That's pretty much all you'd need to know about me. 

Not sure how up-to-date I will keep this blog but you might find yourself reading one entry and then a few months later seeing a next entry. I plan to blog my experiences of my final year in university actually as well as my hospital placement so perhaps that will be somewhat interesting. Just for the record, there'll probably be mindless ranting about deadlines, lack of university resources, coursework, exams, dissertation meetings and research project mishaps as well.    

*As a part of working on my honesty, most of my posts of here reflect what I feel and what I believe and what is important to me. So if anything on here offends you, please remember that many things I say is purely a reflection of my own opinion, I don't mean to offend anyone at all. Hence, I will not be using specific names in my ranting.

Enjoy!