Another year older.

I just reached my goal of getting my essay up to 2000 words today. Only 500 more to go (well I see it as 300 words to go since my conclusion tends to be around 200 words and is a piece of cake to write, referencing is another story though. Since I'm a 3rd year, we're expected to have around 15-20+ references for every essay). I'm dreading the essay I have to write over Christmas though, a 3000 word essay plus I need to begin my 6000-8000 word dissertation. Oh the joys of being in your last year of your undergrad degree.

I realised that it's getting increasingly hard for me to sit down and settle straight into work. You know, I found out today that I actually need to procrastinate for about 2-3 hours before I open my essay and get working on it. Once I open my Macbook, I have to do other things on it before I even remember to open the document I was working on. FML. I do other things such as blogging on here, scrolling through Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook (I don't even know why I exist on Facebook anymore, it's just to keep in contact with a few people that I actually talk to properly, but other than that... It's useless and a complete waste of my time. Actually, Facebook is becoming really creepy, since when can you see EVERYONE who has viewed your group message, it says something like "seen by 97" and if you click that, a whole list of people who has read your message but has effectively ignored you comes up /rant/rant/rant). 

So yeah, procrastination is good for you, guys. Don't worry about not getting work done, just do what I do - "start" at around 3pm, procrastinate until 6pm and then start some work. Hopefully you'll be like me and finish around this time despite "starting" 6 hours ago... You can even tell your parents that you've been at it since 3pm and only finished now, they'll think you've been working hard for 6 hours non stop and might reward you with something. Hohoho.

Happy end of November, guys!

My (not-so-homely) Home.

Ok so if you've been reading a few of my old entries you should know that I was having my bedroom refurbished. Not sure if I've mentioned but from having my bedroom refurbished, Mum has decided to have the whole house refurbished whilst we're at it.

Luckily we have some really nice builders who go the extra mile to make our lives easier.

Anyway, I made this post to show you the state of my destroyed house (and the procrastinate some more, this essay really doesn't want to be completed...)

So.. If you were to visit my house, you'd see this stunning staircase...

With no carpet...

This is my living room...

We've basically moved the upstairs downstairs, just imagine the contents of your upstairs (if you have one) being spread around downstairs. We literally have about 5% living space. Our 2nd living room isn't as bad as this, about 70% of the stuff is down here, suitcases full of clothes next door. Bleh. Believe me, finding things in this mess is a headache - Mum packed everything away without considering what we may need so... Take yesterday for example, I needed a hole punch and since it's in one of these 20 bin bags full of stuff... Let's just say I drove to Tesco and bought a new one in my pyjamas instead. Oh yes, I have no clothes. I only managed to dig the suitcases with my clothes out this morning :(

WELCOME TO MY TEMPORARY BEDROOM. Yeah, the small pathetic looking bed in the far side of this picture is mine. So tragic.

This is my landing. Done today, they stripped all the wallpaper off and now the walls in my hall and landing look like victims of a fire attack.

On the plus side, floorboards are being put in tomorrow in my room and everywhere else upstairs. Yay. Progress +30%. 

Not really liking the idea of waking up at 8-9am every morning so far.

How to stop having a bad day.

Talk to someone about it. Seriously.

I find opening up to people the best therapy for having bad days. There's always this someone I can rely on to vent my frustrations to. I wish I had more people in my life like that.

IF YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY, GO SPILL EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE! IT WORKS! GO FOR IT.

I'm home now, in a much better mood than when I left and when I made that blog entry earlier. I even helped my Mum write her email. I found spending the whole day at uni and a few hours at my friend's house just away from all the stress at home really works. I was in a really bad mood but being immersed in my essay and managing to add 600 words to it today has actually really heightened my mood.

I was talking to my friend about marriage and a whole bunch of other things as well, we have such similar opinions on life despite leading very different lives. I really respect everything that she's done and the hard work she puts in, I might not know about all her problems in life but based on what she has told me I really respect her. I assume that her family problems are much more complicated than mine because there's more than just the regular arguing with Mum and Dad involved. But after hearing how she has changed through the first 2 years at university has really made me reflect on myself and how much I have changed through these 2 years. University is what you make of it, for some like myself and my friend, it's a life changing opportunity that makes you find yourself and find out who you are. For others, they come out of university still the same person. Maybe my time for maturation was these past 2 years. Talking to my friend today has really cheered me up, she didn't do anything lavish or specific to cheer me up but just being there to chat to and talk about other things (we talked about nerdy stuff like science and how medicine can be bad for you - I honestly never imagined myself to want to talk about academics outside of university time) has really helped.

No longer the once angsty teen who would flip out and do crazy things when situations were bad (I really regret things I've done in the past), I feel like I've learnt to accept and open up to people more, being honest with other people, being mature, not holding grudges against silly things, taking other people's feelings into consideration.

You live and you learn. Whatever bad things may happen to you, good things are sure to happen somewhere down the line.

Having a really bad day today.

Anyone want to cheer me up?

I got kicked out of my house today at 9am (well technically, I kicked myself out because I couldn't handle the atmosphere anymore).

My day started off really badly, Mum came into my room throwing all my clothes around, she was packing my clothes up because the skip will be here later to throw my wardrobe away. Of course, no one could sleep through that so I got up, trying really hard not to lose it but I just got angrier and angrier in the bathroom.

Just a few things...

She was nagging yesterday about me having all my clothes piled up in my brother's room.
- I don't have a bedroom right now, how am I supposed to put my clothes all in one single neat pile when my brother's room is already a tip. I wish she would just accept that I'm going to be messy especially when I've been put into a room that's already messy.

She was constantly complaining about the amount of clothes I have.
- In case you forgot, I'm a girl. Sorry I don't have 1 pair of jeans and 1 t-shirt to last me forever. Sorry for ever existing.

She's constantly complaining about how much mess there is.
- In case you forgot, YOU have decided to get the whole house re-floored. You could've just done my room and the rest later like you planned but you should've expected there to be mess.

She's complaining about the amount of rubbish that's been kept behind that we don't use.
- Sorry but you're the one that decided to keep it. I mean, she pulled out an old ceiling light that she doesn't want to throw away but she'll never use it again because the original reason for why we changed it was because it doesn't work... But wait wait... If it doesn't work, why are you keeping it? (Yes, this applies to a whole list of things that she's been shouting about - she even kept our first ever game console - some dusty ancient MegaDrive ohohoho).

She yelled at me this morning because I needed to get a jacket out that she had packed away (I knew in trying to get it, she would cause a scene).
- She even said "I should've picked out my clothes earlier", well sorry but if you wake up unexpectedly at 7am and decide to pack ALL my clothes away into the loft whilst I'm ASLEEP. There's nothing I can do about it. I should've just gone out in my jeans and t-shirt and come back with a flu and see how she likes it. I think I'd do a good job in infecting everyone. So unreasonable.

The last one there made me mad as hell, I drove to uni at 9am because I couldn't handle staying in that house with my Mum bouncing off all the walls, slamming cupboards, taking out her angst on everyone and everything. I finished my lecture about 30 minutes ago but I don't really plan on going home until much later today. I know Mum hates mess but can't you just be reasonable and deal with it appropriately?

This was beginning to sound like some melodramatic teenage I-HATE-MY-MOM post but it really isn't. I've even provided logical arguments to defend myself against her crazy unreasonableness and illogical actions.

Someone rent me their house for the next few weeks. I don't want to go home. At all.

Just read this insane article on "tutor kings and queens"

Can you imagine teachers having the same status as movie stars? Thought not.

The article is basically about famous tutors in Hong Kong who are pretty much regarded as celebrities, rolling in millions because they're clever and improve people's grades at school.

If you've been to Hong Kong, you'll have seen it everywhere. Tutors are one of the biggest things in Hong Kong, their faces are literally everywhere, on gigantic billboards, on the sides of buses, in shop windows - you name it. It's ridiculous how much of a cultural difference there is compared to here, teachers here don't (or rarely even) become millionaires. It's the competitiveness of getting a place at university over there that creates so much pressure on the need for good grades and naturally, if school isn't doing it for your kid, you'd employ a tutor to help them improve on top of normal schooling.

But besides being smart, these people are judged for their appearances too. If you're clever and good looking, you're more likely to be employed (or wanted) by students. I think this attractiveness thing is universal when it comes to employment anywhere, studies have shown that you're more likely to be hired if you're attractive (of course, this isn't the right way to do things nor is it fair but hey, we're all human).

I'm just laughing at how these teachers don't dress like teachers. The article says they all wear designer wear and if you saw them in the street you'd think they were rich business men/women not tutors. Teachers being treated like celebrities is quite an amazing thing in my opinion, it's not something I see everywhere. I remember when I heard about making tons of money in Hong Kong and how I should become an English teacher over there (English is really valued in HK, if you speak both fluently, you're really highly valued over there - hint hint to those BBC/ABC/CBCs out there), my initial reaction was that I couldn't believe a teacher could have the potential to earn millions. But after witnessing the pressure of studying, the high demand for tuition on top of schooling and the emphasis and competitiveness of landing a place in a HK based university - I can see why people would be willing to pay so much for some super clever tutor to come and help. Although I don't entirely agree with the celebrity status awarded to such people, I'd rather see these people become rich and famous rather than some other Z-list celebrities these days (or the majority of "celebrities" out there today, in fact).

But at the same time, I really don't like this idea of glamorising teaching, sure they should get paid, but maybe not millions and as for celebrity status - I don't know. Teaching pupils should be a rewarding thing but being able to earn so much money from it might pollute some minds of tutors who might just end up 'doing-it-for-the-money' and forget about the purpose of teaching. I mean, can you imagine sending one of these glamorised, multi-millionaire tutors over to Uganda to teach children in poverty for no pay? The meaning of teaching should be the same worldwide but the purpose and motivation is being corrupted by money.

In the end, tutors being a big thing in HK (and other places in Asia - the article mentions a few places but HK is where I've witnessed it the most) is pretty much no different than plastic surgery being a big thing in South Korea - one emphasises the importance of education, the other emphasises the importance of having double eyelids, higher nose bridges and larger foreheads.

You guys can read this article here - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-20085558

Roar.

I hate Mondays. With a passion.

The only thing I'm thankful for is that I don't have 9am lectures. At all... FOR THIS WHOLE YEAR.

For you anti-morning people (like myself), do you ever stop and wonder how you managed to get through primary and secondary school waking up at 7am and getting into school for 8:40am. The heck?

Anyway, I felt particularly stressed today, just this morning I got to lectures and my friend was all like "you look knackered". I guess the extent of my stress is finally beginning to show through. With that said, my spirits went down when I opened up the lecture and saw a 40 something slide lecture and I was like "oh my god, nooooo" but it actually ended really quickly. I tuned into the 2nd part of the lecture more because I realised I had just been typing out everything that was on the slides for the first half, oops.

I got home and all hell broke loose. My parents are doing the wallpaper for my room at the moment but Mum is being a complete stresshead about everything. It annoys me because when she gets stressed she takes it out on everyone around her, everyone that's helping her. I was trying to help, constantly telling her she needs to cut more off the wallpaper for it to fit around some awkward corner - of course, she doesn't listen and still insists that everything she said is correct. I'm just like "you need to cut more, you need to cut more, you need to cut more..." and what does she do? She cuts like 0.5mm off. Each time, so she's been doing the same piece of wallpaper for about 2 hours now. Unbelievable. I left the room because she was taking out her stress on me - if you don't want my help then have fun spending the next 3 hours on the same piece of wallpaper. Mum doesn't cooperate with other people -____-.

I need to do my essay now.

ENOUGH.

I just cannot physically concentrate today.

The weather is ugly, my Mum is making a racket cleaning her room, my essay is going nowhere because I've just realised I have no interest in organisational psychology, the easiest part of it so far was writing the introduction, I'm still getting used to my keyboard cover, my brother will be home soon with his girlfriend, I'm having hotpot tonight, I'm going furniture shopping tomorrow, MY ESSAY STILL NEEDS TO BE DONE. I have a project meeting next Wednesday, I'm putting my dissertation on hold until Christmas break, my placement is starting in a week, I STILL HAVE MY ESSAY TO DO.

My birthday is the least exciting thing right now because I'll be slaving away doing my essay on the Saturday I turn 21. Sob sob sob.

Life just got 2% harder.

On the up side, I still have money *gasp*, normally by this time of the year I would be broke as hell but maybe because I've been doing close to nothing because of all my deadlines, my money is just sitting in my account waiting to be spent but is not being spent. I actually forgot I had money at one point, I used to be so obsessed with checking my account to make sure I'm not overspending (since my Mum was reaaaaally concerned about me being a spendaholic during the first year of uni where my loan was spent on things I didn't even know about). I'm getting more money in a few weeks time, but since I don't spend much anymore, I'll be moving half of it to my ISA funds. I'm so proud of myself, I've gotten out of the vicious cycle of spending-too-much-when-you-are-a-university-student. Actually I've been spending my money on technology more than clothes and food. I never spend on food - WHO NEEDS FOOD RIGHT? IF YOU DON'T EAT, YOU LOSE WEIGHT AND YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR MONEY - DOUBLE WIN. Nah, I'm kidding, I just don't like spending money on food when you have no one to eat out with. Meaning, I'd never go and intentionally buy lunch when I'm on my own (unless I have those long lab hours where I'm sitting at a desk coding *cries*).

Off topic but I love every one of you that reads my crazy blogs. Even if you're all stalkers that don't know me/know me but are still interested in what goes on in my boring life.

I LOVE YOU ALL. ALL OF YOU. YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE INSIDE AND OUT, REMEMBER THAT.

I think I've gone a bit crazy sitting here trying to do some work...

People making assumptions about me.

Not going to name who but there's always people who will say you're this and that based on what they think and what they feel. People let their feelings get in the way of how they see you. Something bad happens and they don't feel good so they say you're this and that.

I stopped caring long about what people thought about me. Growing up in a family where the importance of appearances was emphasised, it wasn't easy to figure out who I was. During my teenage days, I was in constant confusion about who I am, what I want to be in the future. Heavy expectations of parents due to my culture, being constantly compared to my brother - there were times where I felt like I had to be a doctor or a lawyer in the future to be recognised by my parents. But I won't go into that...

I actually decided to study Psychology at degree level to learn about myself rather than become a psychologist by the end of it. I know very little psychology students actually become psychologists at the end but I just wanted to use it to find out who I am. I feel that university has changed me in more ways than one - I began to see the world in a different perspective. The purpose of going to university wasn't for the partying, university itself became like a learning curve for me. I started off not knowing anyone again, making new friends - the friends I made at university changed me in some way too. The different perspectives on life that they have, the different lives that they live. In the short space of 2 years, I feel like I've really matured in many ways.

There will always be people there that judge you along the way, even ones that you call friends, but the ones that really love you will stand by you no matter what happens and no matter what choices you make.

I CAN'T WORK IN SUCH ENVIRONMENTS.

I've been sat at this desk in my parent's bedroom for about 3 hours now. I've read one chapter of my textbook with 3 papers to read still.

It's because there's been so much noise around the house, my Mum painting, asking me to help her with her iPhone and now she's ironing clothes and sighing heavily as if the world is ending tomorrow. 

Oh someone help me increase my attention span, just for an hour or something. Someone silence this world for a moment so I can be productive for a while, please? PLEASE?

Note to self: NEVER EVER GET YOUR ROOM REFURBISHED AT THE TIME WHERE YOU'RE MOST BUSY WITH STUDIES EVER AGAIN.

Friendship.

Losing friends is hard. 

Not a loss as in they passed away but a loss as in them exiting your life because of some circumstances. When you stop talking to someone that you used to be close with and you do nothing about it, the distance between you will just grow larger and the next time you meet, perhaps you'll be more like strangers.

We grow busy in life, but true friends will always find a way to keep in contact. There are those that matter and those that don't, friendships are easy to make when you're young, in school and see each other everyday of the week. But once your paths start to differ in life, you're wondering when the next time you see each other will be. 

How has it come to something like this? Where you thought keeping in touch would be easy. The choices in life are yours to make but don't forget those that will always be there for you. We could not talk for months but the closeness would still be the same - I wonder if it will be like that the next time we meet? I don't even know why we stopped talking, are you embarrassed because of the choice you made? Are you angry because of what I said to others? Have you actually let this guy come between a lifelong friendship? 

You say you feel alone but you know true friends will always stick by no matter what choice you make in life. I'm not here to judge you on your actions, I'm here to support you as a friend. 

Rant rant rant.

My eyes are so dry from referencing.

I still need to proof read my essay before submitting - 2717 words is a lot to read.

My body is physically not cooperating with me today...

I left my tea upstairs for about 3 hours and now it's a cup of cold tea-water now.

...That last sentence made no sense, I know.

Today = big pile of fail.

I didn't know I had such confidence

Long day but presenting wasn't actually too bad today! I didn't know I had so much confidence in speaking publically. I guess I've probably changed in that aspect too, when you don't really care about what others think about you, it's much easier to speak.

Compared to some of other people's presentations, mine was actually really basic but I also felt like mine was most simplistic - other people had a lot of variables and things to test but I was basically just coding videos haha. I guess that made presenting a whole lot easier too? 

When I got out, it was like a typhoon was approaching. The wind was horrible and the rain was even more horrible. The short 5 minute walk back to my car felt almost like 15 minutes. When I got to my car, my car was covered in leaves because I parked in a bush since the car park I normally park in had so spaces (oh the awkward driving into the carpark with a car following you and then realising you have to make them reverse so you can get out since there are no spaces...). I was driving home with my car looking like it had been dragged backwards through a bush. Lovely. 

I hate finishing my day at 3pm because children are out everywhere from school. Just thought I'd mention that too.

I'm having a late lunch at the moment and trying to figure out how to transfer over 300GB of stuff over from my laptop to my macbook... I have an external HD but it's full of crap. 300GB worth of crap. So at the moment, I'm transferring all of that over to the PC which luckily has 1TB of space. Hopefully I'll have my essay submitted by the end of today as well as all my stuff transferred over to my macbook. This is such a long process. I wish my macbook didn't arrive yesterday... 

(Little voice in my head saying "no one told you to open it and play on it!") 

THIS WEEK? WHAT IS THIS WEEK?

A week of intense work on my essay, meetings followed by more meetings, followed by giving a presentation tomorrow on my project facilitated by extreme ugly weather:

See? Ugly.
(Ugh, this picture makes it seem as if I live on a farm...)

Well, actually Monday was relatively nice, today is disgusting. So yesterday, it was a straightforward lecture -> home day. But then it became home -> coursework (which ended up taking a ridiculous amount of time because I fell asleep) and then I suddenly remembered I had a dissertation meeting today so I had to prepare for that at around 9pm. I tend to never let myself work for crazy hours because that's actually bad for my health. So if I do start work when I get home, it tends to finish around dinner time then the rest of the evening is mine (see? I'm not abusing my health... much).

My MacBook came today, woohoooo. Early birthday present from my Mumma and Dadda. I love them both for spoiling me with anything and everything. I feel so blessed to have them in my life, providing me with necessities AND luxuries even though we're not a rich family. I can never thank them enough for letting me live a comfortable life and giving me things they never had. I hope that I can earn a lot in the future so I can give back to them *wipes tear from eye*.

Anyway, since I'm home, I bet you're wondering if I've had the chance to use the MBP yet. Actually, no, I'm still really busy since coming home. I'm actually still on my craptop, since everything is on here it would be easier (and I'll probably be more productive on a crappy laptop, MBP would just distract me) for me to finish my presentation on here. Sigh... If I didn't have my presentation tomorrow, believe me when I say I would've opened my MBP by now and be playing around on it. Not sure how much you guys know about computer specs but since I'm a closet geek when it comes to technology, I'm excited to be using i7 processor with 8gb RAM. I can already tell the MBP will be a monster to use (at least I know it won't be heating up to 90 degrees anymore...)

Since I've come home, I've done nothing but eat pandan cake, drink water and check everything but do my presentation. So I'll end this here, the sooner I finish this darn presentation the sooner I get to play. I hope everyone has a good day!

When stress hits you like you've just been uppercut by a giant kangaroo that knows how to box.

Not really but okay. Ranting entry.

Firstly, yes Mum, I'm aware that there's a huge, unsightly spot growing on my chin. You don't need to keep reminding me every minute of the day. Next thing you know, she'll be giving it a name like it's a new addition to the family.

I've got so much going on right now, today was heavily stressful because I went out to have dim sum with my uncle (of course, I can't even use work as an excuse because this is my uncle who I haven't seen in ages and you know how traditional parents are all about appearances...). But going to have dim sum with my uncle also means sitting there listening to these over 50 folks talk about the same thing 100 times before you're allowed to leave. They spoke about iPhones for about 2 hours, and why my uncle should get one. Dad even called my other uncle in Hong Kong using Viber just to demonstrate how awesome the iPhone is (to these old people, any phone that can go online are pretty amazing things). They were pretty much like "OMG FREE CALLS TO HONG KONG" "OMG FACETIME" "OMG FREE TEXTS" "OMG GPS" "OMG WEB BROWSING" "OMG EMAILS" "OMG VIDEOS". Slightly exaggerated account of what happened but I think you get the idea.

So it was about 4pm until I got home (we were there since 12:30pm, fml...) and so I sat down got a slice of cake and some tea and attempted to get started on some extra reading for developmental. I didn't actually get any physical notes written down on my sheet until around 6pm - why? Because I got an email from my supervisor about presentation dates and it clashed with my dissertation meeting date so I had to make a lengthy reply to my dissertation supervisor (since she had sent me quite a detailed one) to reschedule, as well as replying to everything else in the email - it was about topic choice so I had to read up on some of the stuff so I could write back. That took about an hour since I came up with yet another dissertation idea and put that into the email too. Too many ideas floating around, I just don't know which to choose yet - hence, I need the meeting to discuss.

When I was out, I also got an email from my personal advisor who wanted to have a meeting on Tuesday - inside my head I was like "are you effing kidding me?" I have so much going on next week I won't be able to make it to everything. As you can imagine, everything ended up as a mess since I was supposed to have the presentation on Tuesday but since no one wants to do Tuesday, I've had to sort of conform to the majority and go for Wednesday and reschedule the disso meeting to Tuesday and reject my personal advisor at the same time. I don't really like rejecting my personal advisor because there was once she didn't take lightly to me not attending things because "I thought they were useless" - actually, thinking back, I didn't know why I went into that individual meeting full of attitude haha.

(There's this stupid dog outside smashing himself against his cage and whining - why my neighbour decides to keep their dog in a giant monkey cage is beyond me... Just thought I'd make this entry as true-to-the-moment as possible).

Anyway, all that emailing and researching took a long time. So I started work at 6 and thank god, the workload was small-ish because about 2 of the papers to read weren't accessible and the other 3 that were were actually really short journals. I think my head would explode if I had to read another 2 x 45 page articles again like yesterday.

Progress on my room is slow. We've had 2 carpenters round to survey my room - the first one was really... weird. He didn't seem like he knew what we were talking about - I showed him pictures I took from Ikea and he was still kinda like "derp". The second one came today and he was awesome, I told him exactly what I wanted and he measured everything and scribbled notes down on this crumpled up piece of paper which I found quite hilarious for some reason. The first guy had some organised clipboard of paper whereas this guy had some scrap piece of paper he probably found in his van haha. Although the first one seemed more professional I think this second guy seems better - he was literally like a carpenter - can build anything. The first guy had limits to what size he could build things. Anyway, enough reviewing on the carpenters. The ceiling was plastered this morning - the guy came at like 7am so obviously, I slept through everything. I woke up when he left haha.

The ceiling is drying at the moment. Hopefully it'll be painted by early next week =/ progress is so slow, carpenters are so busy around Christmas time - I probably won't have a room until 2013...

*sob sob*

Another procrastination blog entry.

Yup, better get used to reading these.

I find that when I'm doing an essay, coming on here and just talking about random nonsense is quite therapeutic. It's always good to think about other things when you take a quick break from writing, it allows me to clear my head and think about things from other perspectives which I may have missed due to thinking too hard about things.

I was thinking too hard about an hour ago, it took me almost 30 minutes to try and structure this one sentence so that it doesn't contradict everything I had written (I have a bad habit of contradicting myself when I try to write too quickly *self confession*).

Anyway, progress on my coursework is surprisingly smooth. After this essay, I no longer want to read another paper or textbook chapter on how infants learn that objects still exist when you hide them. It's interesting, most of psychology is, but there's just so much evidence out there that it's overwhelming and headache inducing. After this one, I have another due on the 6th December about how organisations employ people. As you can see, psychology is very broad - I can be studying about child development to how businesses operate. Exciting stuff.

What's even more exciting is coding videos. I coded a 10 minute video yesterday in the lab and it took me almost 3 hours. I'm not improving at all since it took me 2 hours to code 7 minutes first time round. Not impressive, I had my sandwich and green tea in the lab just sitting there coding all their behaviours yesterday. Someone save me when I come to do 12 x 10 minute videos when analysis starts. Buhuhuhuuuu. What's more is that some of the people are really hard to understand, since usually individuals with speech disorders have some sort of slurring with their speech. Some sentences I have to play back about 10 times until I figure out what he is saying and add it to the transcript.

Uh yeah, so this has pretty much been about my studies. I feel a little more passionate about what I study this year because it's the last year before I say goodbye to psychology. Other aspects of my life have been dull-ish. My room is on standstill until I get the ceiling plastered on Friday, carpenter is coming tomorrow to have a look and see what he can do about my tiny room. I'm also being taken to Ikea tomorrow for some random reason which I don't know. It's probably just an excuse for Dad to get out of the house. I have no idea what these two retired people do these days - Mum wakes up crazily early (she stood on me when I was still sleeping in bed this morning - NOT IMPRESSED). Because my Mum wakes up crazily early she drags my Dad up to go to the gym. They invited me to go along as well but NO THANKS. Um, hello? I would not be caught dead working out with my parents at the gym. Oh lord.    

Creativity has run dry.

I'm no longer motivated to finish my essay (an extra 500 words done today is good enough right!?) So I'm going to do this instead.

I stole this off my friend Jen's tumblr, huhuhuhu.

1. This gets majorly personal, you ready?
 - I think so.

2. Who was the last boy you texted?
- My brother.

3. Does he mean anything to you?
 - Uh, well, he's my one and only brother so... OF COURSE HE MEANS SOMETHING TO ME <3.

4. Does anything on your body hurt right now?
- Nope.

5. Do you believe love can last forever?
- Oooh, tough question. But yes, I'd like to believe it can last forever but my mind is too plagued with fairy tales that I can't make a coherent judgement on something that like right now.

6. Do you have siblings?
- Yes, one brother.

7. Do you think someone’s thinking about you?
- Yep. You, who's reading this right now. If you're reading my blog, you're most likely to be thinking about me at the same time right? ;D

8. What’s the closest purple thing near you?
 - Biscuit tin.

9. Is there anyone in particular that you’re missing right now?
- Yes. I miss many people, I miss the closeness I used to have with my best friend, I miss my friend who shipped herself off to Beijing for 9 months and I miss all my other friends who I haven't been in contact with for a long time.

10. What is your hair looking like right now?
- Unusual ponytail. Lazy Sunday - don't ask.

11. Is there someone on your mind who shouldn’t be?
 - Not right now. But I often dream of people I shouldn't be dreaming about...

12. Say you were given an alcohol test right now, would you pass?
- Of course. Drinking on a Sunday? I'D NEVER.

13. Do you swallow gum when you’re done with it?
- Eww, no, who does that? The thought of a piece of gum stuck in my intestines for years terrifies me.

14. Is anything bothering you?
- Many things. Deadlines, room refurbishment, my car (hnnng my car is dying, I'll make a separate entry about this).

15. If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
- No. I've decided to live my life with no regrets. I want to believe that everything I decide to do is meant to be in some way, shape or form. This is actually bad according to psychology because I'm assuming I don't have control over what I do but it's giving me less stress so... WHY NOT :D

16. Has any one of your friends ever seen you cry?
- Yes.

17. Have you ever peed while on the phone?
- Of course, who hasn't?

18. This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
- Yup.

19. You never know what you got until you lose it? True or false?
- In some cases yeah, but then I think those people who realise it's too late only have themselves to blame. Of course, you can't predict the future but foreseeing the impact of your actions and the consequences that follow is something that people should do all the time /personalopinion.

20. Can you read other people’s expressions?
- I would say I'm pretty attuned to people's expressions, I have ideas of what their expressions show but probably I wouldn't say that I can read them 100% of the time.

21. Is there anyone that you would do absolutely anything for?
- Nope.

22. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
- Dad.

23. Doesn’t intentionally bad grammar annoy you?
- Nope, I like writing in good grammar but I love reading intentionally bad grammar even more. I know, I make a lot of sense right? :D

24. If your parents didn’t like the person you were dating, would you lose them?
- Depends how much the dislike is and the reasons behind it. I don't believe religion should be a reason why you can't date someone, but obviously people that have grown up practising the religion will think otherwise because that's what they have been taught from an early age. But in short, if my parents reaaaally didn't like the person I was dating and the reasons for it are logical, then I'd start questioning my choice as well. In the case of stupid reasons such as their background then no, I wouldn't lose them.  

25. Purple or green grapes?
- Purple all the way.

26. Do you open up to people easily?
- Yes, can't you see how much detail I'm putting in this blog?

27. Where did you sleep last night?
- In some horrible bed next to my brother's comfy double bed. Huuuu, I want my room ;____;

28. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite gender?
- Yep.

29. Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait?
- No, sometimes if you wait too long, the opportunity will be gone LOL.

30. Do you currently have a hickey?
- Yes, I gave it to myself.

31. Do you think a lot of people think/talk bad about you?
- Not particularly, I'm pretty introverted so I don't really come in contact with enough people for gossip to spread haha.

32. Do you think tomorrow will be good?
- No, tomorrow will be hell because it's Monday and I have to wake up early T^T.

33. Could things possibly get any better?
- Yes, definitely. Get yourself out of that hole of depression.

34. Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home?
- I like a balance of both. If I've been out too much during the week then I would prefer quiet days/nights in for the rest of the week.

35. Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
- No. I don't react well to surprises...

36. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months?
- Yes. With my textbooks.

I HAVE NO TIME FOR MEN.

37. Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?
- So far, from what I've seen - yes.

38. Excited for anything?
- Stroke unit placement stroke unit placement STROKE UNIT PLACEMENT. I know, it sounds sad but I can't wait to get hospital experience. Oh and Christmas of course - hot pot nights and my birthday.  

39. Did you kiss/hug anyone in the last 72 hours?
- I hugged my brother and creeped him out :<

40. What were you doing at 12 last night?
- Tumbling.

41. Has anybody ever told you that “you could do so much better” about a person you liked?
- No. I don't think so anyway.

42. Anything going on this week?
- Lectures, essay doing, project training, 2nd essay planning, room refurbishing *dies*

43. Do you like someone?
- I like many people.

44. How has 2012 been for you?
- Interesting. I found out many things about myself.

45. When was the last time you really laughed and why?
- Yesterday, with my brother. We laugh over stupid things and I love it.

46. Who did you last hug?
- My brother (hasn't this question already been asked!?!?)

47. Do you have a picture of yourself kissing someone?
- Yes, many people.

48. How’s your heart?
- SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES BECAUSE THIS ESSAY WON'T COOPERATE WITH ME.

49. Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
- Of course.

50. If you could seek revenge on someone would you?
- No, I don't have time to hold meaningless grudges against people.

51. Are you happier now or three months ago?
- Now.

52. Do you think you’ll be married in ten years?
- I hope so.

53. Did you straighten your hair this morning?
- Nope, I've stopped doing that for the sake of pretty, shiny hair.

54. Are you going to get hurt anytime soon?
- Nope, I don't think so.

55. Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail?
- Yes.

56. Do you say sorry first?
- Depends if it was my fault. Funnily enough, I find it harder to say sorry when I did do wrong, but sometimes I find myself saying sorry for the wrong reasons too.

57. Is there a girl you can’t stand?
- Not really can't stand but there's a girl that drives me crazy with her biased opinions on life that by saying out loud in public could make people really angry.

58. Why aren’t you and your ex together?
- Because my expectations of people are generally too high and well, I have no time for a relationship at the moment.

59. What’s your relationship with the last person you texted?
- Siblingness.

60. Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
- Never been, never will go. I like rocking the pale geisha look.

61. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
- Yes. Speech therapist.

62. Have you ever been suspended?
- Nope.

63. Do you have strange dreams?
- Very strange ones.

64. When was the last time you did the dishes?
- I loaded a dish into the dishwasher a few hours ago - does that constitute to "doing the dishes"?? Hmmm...

65. Are you happy?
- Yes, marginally.

66. Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
- Nope, I stopped caring about what other people think of me a long time ago. If you've read all my entries in this blog, you'll find that to be the case.

67. Are you in a good mood right now?
- Yes, I'm only 700 words away from completing my first essay that's due in 2 weeks. I'M AHEAD OF THE GAME, BABY.

68. Has anyone told you that you have pretty eyes?
- Yes, there was a friend I had that said she would swap her nose for my eyes LOLOL (I hate my nose, uguuuu).

69. Is there something that you want to tell someone but can’t?
- Nope, I've said all I've wanted to say to the people that matter.

70. What’s the last song you sang?
- I was singing along to Whitney Houston's I Have Nothing when it someone sang it on X Factor USA  because it reminded me of my best friend's 18th birthday where in the practice for the dance to that song, I heard it over 100 times.

71. Which is harder, telling someone you love them or that you don’t? 
- Good question. I think for some people, it's easy to throw the word "love" around but to some other people the word "love" has a really deep meaning for them. I think the latter is easier, telling someone that you don't love them doesn't mean that you don't like them right? I wouldn't consider myself a cold, heartless bitch if I told someone I didn't love them. But it's a different story if you're telling someone you don't love them anymore - now THAT is a difficult thing to do. Ouch. 

Supervisor is so sweet.

So I got the next load of work to do for my final year project and so obviously me being me, I wanted to do it as soon as possible so I can concentrate on coursework. The project hasn't actually started yet, though, we recently got ethical approval for 5 months to go ahead with the testing *woohoo* I'm still being trained by my supervisor with the software and coding and all that. It's actually the coding that I'm crapping myself about because it took me 2 hours to code 7 minutes of an interview. Each clip is around 10 minutes long and I'll have to code 12 of them. I wonder if I should just bring my sleeping bag along to the lab. 

Anyway, back on topic, I asked if I could get started straight away after my lecture on Tuesday. But she said I should get some lunch rather than darting straight over to the lab to code. N'aww she's so sweet. I would get lunch but I always feel like time is moving too fast for me. If I waste any of it, I could be in trouble. Yeah, I know, my logic is flawed when it comes to sitting down and having some lunch getting work done - but that's my workaholic side. 

I really consider myself a workaholic sometimes. Sometimes, because I'm also really lazy most times. But it actually doesn't take a lot of motivation for me to get down and do some work. I feel like I've wasted a day if I just sit around doing nothing so even typing 100 words out for my essay is still considered as something productive to me. I just have major issues taking breaks and stopping to eat, I'm actually afraid that I'll lose concentration if I break away from doing work to get some food in me. I can imagine myself wasting away when it comes to exam time, or even wasting away when I become fully employed in the future. Too tied up to eat hnnnngggg. Actually, I kinda contradict myself there because by typing this entry, I've broken away from doing work. 

So in conclusion, I can break away from work to procrastinate but I can't break away from work to eat. 

In other news about the progress of my room, the sockets have been added today. There was so much drilling and crap that I was awake since 9am, not really happy but I managed to fall asleep whilst checking my phone and making pointless half-awake tweets on Twitter and woke up at around 1pm. Nothing seems to stop me waking up after noon, I could sleep through an earthquake and wake up wondering what happened. 

Erm, so, my room... Still have one wall to strip, wallpaper stripping is actually quite fun. I need to get someone over to sort out the mould problem. I have bad ventilation in my room so it's causing nasty black stuff to grow on wallpapers FML.   

Anyway, I hope you're all having a great day wherever you might be reading this. It's cold here, I have no bedroom (still, and will not have for the next month or so *cries*), my desk is a window sill, 

Stop it.

Just because I don't say, doesn't mean I don't care. Stop looking at things from your own selfish perspective. 

Some people are so narrow minded sometimes it annoys me. Being incapable of seeing things from other people's point of view. There's usually a reason behind why people do things so before you jump to stupid conclusions, take a step back and think about why they did it. 

I'm doing this because I care, seriously.

 

Somewhat excited.

I HAVE NO BEDROOM NAO.

Woke up to start destroying my room. Not a good way to wake up I guess. I had a headache looking at all the crap that's accumulated throughout the 21 years. There were boxes after boxes after boxes after bags and bags and bags of things, I just didn't know where to start. Actually it was more like, I didn't know how so much stuff could fit into such a tiny room. There were things piled underneath my bed, things slipped into the gaps beside my bed, things slipped into gaps beside my wardrobe. Holy cow, I wish I took a picture of the mess. It filled the landing as well as my parents' and brother's room.

Anyhow, it took me 3 hours to sift through everything and decide what was to be thrown away and what was to be kept. Of course, I kept all my cuddly toys because I'm a cuddly toy hoarder - they're all my babies. But I think I must've thrown about 70% of my belongings away - I used to be really bad when it comes to throwing things away because I think about the value of it, sentimentally most of the time. But you know, gradually things lose meaning to me so they end up just sitting there collecting dust. Nowadays, I'm much better at deciding what to throw away and what to keep - I think to myself, will I use it again? how much value it has to me and where will I store it. If I can't answer those 3 questions then it goes in the bin and most of it does go in the bin. I really wonder why I kept some of the stuff I had, I mean, I still had my 16th birthday cards - I can't believe I've been hoarding birthday cards for 4-5 years! There were a lot of things I had in excess too, like boxes - I had so many boxes, stupid ones that had nothing in them but I just thought they looked "pretty" so I kept it. And guess what? Yup, I never used it again. Bin. I WAS EVEN HOARDING CLOTHES TAGS - WHY? Yeah, those ones you remove off new clothes when you come to wear it. Please don't ask. I was hoarding plastic bags too, I bet you're laughing at me right now. One would think I'm actually preparing for judgement day or something.

So now, I'm holed up in my brother's bedroom, he has a spare bed in this room so this will be my new "home" for the next couple of weeks. I've got big plans for my bedroom which will take a few weeks, maybe even months before I can finally move back in. Firstly, the wallpaper has to go, I felt sad ripping Tae Yang off my wall - he won't be going back on because posters damage wallpapers orz. I'll be wallpaper stripping tomorrow. I want to get new sockets fitted into the wall of my room as well, I only have 2 working ones right now and 1 broken one which needs to be removed. I have someone coming over tomorrow to check it out.  My ceiling needs to be re-plastered as well, there are cracks and pits in it. Then the floor needs to go, I'll be getting wood flooring for my room. I need to get a carpenter to design some cupboards and a wardrobe for me. And then finally, I'll need a new bed. Sigh, looks like I'll be roomless until Christmas.  

I hate the feeling where you're slowly falling behind on doing what you're supposed to be doing

Long title.

So, I got lazy this weekend. Maybe it's because I'm off this week so I feel as if I have plenty of time to get my notes done. But on the contrary, I have no time since next week I need to get started on 2 essays due soon. I really don't want to get back into the swing of doing essays, writing an essay after 6 months of not having written a single piece of work will be really tough. I mean, I blog, which does help a little in keeping myself literate at least. I'm surrounded by too many people that fail to use proper grammar these days.

But the real question is, why do we end divert our attention from the important things that need doing so easily? Like a piece of coursework that's waiting to be completed, you might leave it for now thinking you have almost 2 months before the due date but by the time you realise it, that piece of work is due in next week. That's actually happening to me now, well, my coursework isn't due next week but I could've sworn it felt like last week when I realised that the due date was almost 2 months away and now it's actually due in about less than 3 weeks. I longer I feel like I have plenty of time to do it, the lazier I'll get. So, it's just something that needs to be done ASAP now.

This week will be slightly chaotic. Apart from starting 2 pieces of coursework, I'll be room-less for maybe a month. Not having a room to privately study in will be hard too. But I really want my new room to be done as soon as possible. I also want to get my work done as soon as possible. See? I want many things done as soon as possible. I think I'm becoming quite the impatient one.

Oh and on Tuesday, I'm visiting the home for what might be the last time for now, since I can't visit on my regular Tuesdays anymore because I have lectures in the morning. Though, I'm still super excited to be working in the stroke unit at Charing Cross hospital next month. My brother signed me up to some SLT  evening in City as well. Godamn, it's another one of those moments where I sign up to something and then when the time approaches, I don't feel like going anymore. But it will be beneficial to go, I want to know more about the course, maybe I can pick up some more ideas to write in my application before I submit it. I'm actually really glad to be starting the placement before the submission deadline - then I can write something about it. By the time interviews start happening, I'll have plenty to talk about right? I'm actually slightly worried about my future but at the same time I'm not, because the only difference between the paths I take is the issue with money which my parents are so kindly supporting me with. I'm pretty confident that I'll end up where I want to be in 5 years time.

Ending this on a positive note tonight (or should I say this morning, it's now 4:20am). I still need to wake up tomorrow to start demolishing my room.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

I think I'm becoming a workaholic. Something like this has happened before but a few years ago.

I find myself working at 3am, and possibly not sleeping until 7am. I was thinking about this whilst I was doing that yesterday (well, technically earlier today, it's now 3:15pm and yes, I just woke up). I find that I can work the best during that time because everyone in the house is asleep and I can really concentrate because there's nothing on TV at the time and nothing interesting to do on the internet - not that I have the TV on when I'm working anyway, but it's tempting all the same. Actually, the fact that I read my papers on here makes it all the more distracting, it's really easy to switch over to something else and get wrapped up in that instead.

With that said, no, I'm not neglecting personal hygiene haha. I might be neglecting meals, but Mum always comes to remind me eat which can be annoying too especially when I have a 20+ page paper to get through (like today, I'm behind schedule so I have 1.5x the amount of work). But I know I need to eat, it's just when you're caught up doing work, it's really hard to tear yourself away. I've been snacking on random stuff I can find, I know many people who do work snack but even so, I think about getting a snack when I'm doing work and then suddenly the thought goes away and I forget to even go and pick up the snack. So I just wait for dinner.

I reaaaaally don't want to do any work this Sunday so hopefully I can get everything done today...

I've also decided to change my dissertation topic. I found out there's a pretty big chance of it overlapping with a lecture - which isn't allowed. So I'm thinking of writing about dual personalities in people that are bilingual. Much more interesting, but not much research on it - people tend to look at language and cognition rather than personality - I mean I'm sceptical. As a bilingual person myself, I find it hard to see how I can exhibit 2 different personalities, one for each language. But maybe my perspective on this will change once I get round to reading the papers on it.

My life is all about papers, lecture notes, highlighters and my automatic lead pencil right now. Have a good Friday, all!

Lazy Friday.

Yeah. Self explanatory title.

I didn't get to sleep very early yesterday despite waking up really early (for my standards anyway), on Thursday. I slept over at a friend's house that day because I was out at uni for Halloween. I don't know what it is but whenever I sleep over at a friend's house, I tend to wake up really early. It would be rare for me to wake up at midday when I'm not in my own bed.

Anyway, story short, I kinda ended up sleeping at around 5am. Woke up at around 1pm today. Yeah, really lazy day. I'm trying to finish reading some papers that I was supposed to read yesterday. I only managed to complete to essential reading and 2 papers which is... bad. I got sidetracked way too easily yesterday, it's not easy to sit down and do work when you've been out the night before.

And today I have the Tuesday lecture to catch up on, on top of the stuff I didn't do yesterday. Darn it.

Thank god it's Friday and thank god it's reading week next week (no lectures, yay!)

Those stuck in a constant loop of denial/Halloween.

I know a lot of people out there that refuse to face the immediate reality of their problems. It's the classic case of "running away from your problems" pretending everything will be okay, everything will work itself out in time. But deep down inside, they know that they have to deal with this sooner or later.

I don't really know why some people decide to stay in denial... The longer you leave a problem unsolved, the more it'll stay in your mind and the more stress you'll experience. For me, if there's a problem, I'll sort it - the sooner, the better. You know how they say problems get worse the longer you leave them, kind of like an illness.

I can't really give explicit examples of what I mean when I say in denial. Those situations where you know something isn't quite right but you decide the "just leave it for now and see later". Refusing to acknowledge that a problem exists is a mistake, in my opinion. Maybe some people find it hard to accept the truth for what it is, for at the time, running away might be easier than facing reality. But sometimes you just have to accept that X has happened and that you need to do something about it, only then can you move forward towards a solution.

Sorry if this turned out to sound like a life lesson but I just can't stand seeing people in denial around me. Sometimes the solution is really clear but people tend to overthink problems, which in turn, makes it harder for them to face it.

Well, just to lighten the mood before I lock myself up to do some reading for this week, here's my Halloween outfit from last night! I'm the one dressed up as Alice in Wonderland but I was really rushed for time so I didn't get the chance to smear blood all over my face. Oomph.