I'm back.

Yeah, I've noticed I haven't spouted any rubbish about my life recently. To be completely honest, the last 2 weeks of my life have been hell.

Where do I even begin? I went from thinking everything is okay to everything being completely not okay. I was doing so much unnecessary things for myself, trying to make some time for myself especially at the start of term time (believe it or not, I had more free time at the beginning of this term to sit around and relax than I did throughout the whole of xmas break). I came to the realisation that there are some things in life that are better off not having. It's hard for me to describe without saying exactly what it is (I have some reasons for doing so). What defines happiness is subjective to each individual, some need to be constantly surrounded by friends, some need someone to love and to be loved, some need to always be close to their family, some always need a day in a week to go out and have fun. I thought long and hard what defines happiness to me? What do I need to cope with stress? I mean, stress is inevitable, you're always going to have that one persistent thing on your mind that won't go away for a while and when it does, another thing will come along and annoy you. Maybe my stress response is just poor, actually, I deal with stress by locking myself up in my room and doing what I want to do LOL.

But actually, for me, the simple things are most important. I don't need someone to love and love me back, I don't need to see my friends every week, I don't need to go out clubbing at least once a week. For me, I prefer to be close to people in a different way, as for my friends, we don't need to speak to each other everyday to stay close. As long as they're okay and doing well, that's all I need to know. As for nights out, I prefer going out when the event is right for it, when there is a reason for celebration - I mean that could be almost once every 3 months or something but for me that's more fun than going every week. Family is one thing I require in my life though, I mean, they annoy the hell out of me almost everyday. It took 4 of us to build my new bed, 3 of us to set up a mirror in my room, I hate the way my mum is such a perfectionist and OCD with her cleaning, I hate the way my parents get into pointless petty arguments almost everyday, I hate the way they shout at each other when they talk (Asian style huh?), I hate the way my parents' opinions differ, I hate the way my mum constantly nags at my dad, I hate the way my mum takes her anger out on all of us... There's so many things wrong with my family but at the end of the day, my family wouldn't be my family if they weren't like that. I'm slowly getting used to my mum being overly anal on cleanliness, her attention to detail is so annoying sometimes but at least she gets things right.

I guess I just missed when life used to be so much more simple, going to school, coming home, doing my homework, watching TV, going to bed. Now it's more like, wake up at ridiculous-o'clock, procrastinate till I forget about what I needed to do, doing my work late into the night, refusing to sleep even though I've been complaining about being tired all day, waking up when I finally pass out from tiredness, feeling 10x more tired because I've slept late... You get what I mean.

So what has been happening? My room is finally complete, I'll take some pictures when I get a free day to do so. I'm actually in love with my new room, it's so cosy and comfortable now, I can't believe it's actually complete and I'm happy with it. When I saw it completed it felt like one of those moments in those programmes where people's houses get a secret makeover and they come back and they're all like omg haha. Other than that everything else has been a giant blob of depressive darkness enveloping my life.

I have about 2 weeks to finish coding, I've got about 4 videos left to code so I'm aiming to do 2 a week. I have to finish my introduction to my final year project, start writing my dissertation before reading week, complete 2 essays within reading week as well as complete my lecture notes every week.

I'm considering dropping out of my placement. I know it seems stupid because it's valuable experience that I waited so long to get into but I feel like I just don't have time for it. I have so much going on in my life that my placement is the last thing I want to go to. I've loved going there and meeting and talking to all the interesting people but at the moment my Fridays are dominated by workload upon workload that I'm just not coping right.

So yeah, as you can see, the reason for me not blogging as often as I did before xmas is because I've been snowed under by work. I didn't want to fill this blog with depressive stuff so I've said everything I needed to here.

/End of depressive ranting.

Hopefully everyone that follows this blog is doing well. I wish I could be 5 years old and be out in the snow building snowmen and making snow angels too...