Putting your feelings on the line can be like a double-edged sword.

When you tell someone exactly how you feel about them, you become vulnerable and exposed. But if you don't, how will they ever know?

I thought what I had was happiness, but happiness can always change within a matter of days, weeks, months. Things that happen are out of your control, decisions that other people make that affect you and your life. You feel like everything you said had been thrown back in your face and everything is a lie. You find that you think about the same thing everyday, you experience the same sadness everyday wondering where all your happiness had gone. I feel exactly like this now.

I rarely ever come out about my feelings and sad things in a blog, I'd rather keep my entries happy so I can look back and read and laugh about things a few years down the line. But right now, maybe talking about things like this will help put my heart at ease a bit more. When you tend to like someone so much that it hurts but you find that you can't do anything about the hurt because your hurt means their happiness. When the person you care about doesn't try, when the person you care about doesn't make the effort to make you happy, when the person you care about doesn't consider your feelings - these things cut deep. It hurts a lot when the person that is supposed to make you feel like the happiest person on Earth ends up making you feel like the lowest priority in their life - all because of one thing, one choice that they made in life.

Life used to be so perfect until recently when one person managed to upset me for days, I really started to think that I meant a lot to that person - after months of not believing, I started to believe. But after this week, I'm second thinking everything. I think the hardest thing to accept is that I'm never important to this person, I'm the last thing they think about when they wake up, the last thing they think about when they go to bed. How things have changed so much is their fault, I just can't find blame in myself because everything happened because of his choices. I don't see how I fit into their day anymore, I might still be theirs in name but do they treat me like they should?

So what do I do from here? I only have 2 choices - make them choose or leave. I'm that close.